Right Between Us: A Second Seeing

Thaw

• What does November represent to you? Why?
• What stuck with you most from Sunday? Why?

Read

• John 9:29
• Mark 8:22-25
• Thoughts?

Leader note: While reading the Mark 8 passage, you or others in the group may note a verse later records Jesus telling this formerly blind man not to go back into the village. Don't get too hung up on it. There are several possible explanations for telling him not to go back into town. One, Jesus often tells people not to tell others about the miracle he's performed. Jesus is often concerned about the clarity of his message (not being confused with his miraculous ability as some sort of show) and the ease with which he moves from town to town to do what he came to do. He had limited time, and didn't want his path jammed up people seeking him only as a wonder worker. The message was about what others were to become because of Him, a revolution of love, not just a single God/man who could do amazing things for crowds. Additionally, the village/town ay have been bad for the blind man. To adjust to being a seeing person now, it may not have been ideal to send him into what would've undoubtedly been an ecstatic inquisition. Other explanations are just as plausible...again, don't get hung up here.

• What significance is there for you in Jesus doing a "two-phase" miracle?
• What might it mean to cause blindness in those who count themselves among the seeing?

Discuss

• Have there been people in your life who caused you difficulty/harm in their stubborn inability to see or hear you? Explain.
• What does it cost people to admit that they were wrong or ignorant about someone, and to go back and "see them again"?
• In what ways do you find yourself seeing/hearing, but not very good at perceiving?

Read

• Matthew 7:1-5
• Thoughts?
• This is different than "don't judge". This is "judge yourself with the same standards you apply to others." How does this self-reflective, blindspot-acknowledging kind of discernment differ than mere judging or labeling?

Apply

• This week, ask God to give you a second seeing. To "touch your eyes" again with regard to friends, family, enemies, those who live, vote, think, act, decide, relate differently. Ask God to show you three things you hadn't seen before. Perhaps you will be ready to share with the group what this second seeing has revealed about those you thought you already had pretty well figured out!

Right Between Us. The Chair Game.

Thaw

• Have the heaters been turned on yet or not? What's your threshold?
• What most stuck with you from Sunday?

Watch
"I walked on the moon"

• Thoughts?

Read

• Luke 14:1-11
• Thoughts?
• What drives the behavior Jesus was addressing?
• How do you see it playing out in your own life?

Leader note: Keep in mind the previous question is asking about the group member's life, not others' behavior. Make sure this part of the discussion doesn't become recognizing other people's Chair Game playing and not our own!

Discuss

• What's the difference between healthy ambition and the Chair Game?
• What allow Jesus to wash feet and stay out of the pecking order, and how is what what allows Jesus to do this available to us?

Read

• Proverbs 25:6-7
• Proverbs 27: 2
• 1 Peter 5:5-7
• Thoughts?
• Why is this hard?

Respond as a group to this quote from Sunday:

"There is no higher echelon or rank at home, at work, at school, at church, or anywhere, than 'at peace right where you're at.'"

Apply

• How can this group be a place where the broken ego is put to rest, and the Chair Game is replaced with service and love of others?
• What stands in your way and how can that be addressed?

The Waiting. 5.

Have you taken a step?

Have you cut off (the etymology of the word "decision") the excuses, the fear, misery of ignoring what overwhelms? 

A big thing and a little thing, have you decided to do it later?

Your group members may very well need your group to be able to begin taking actions they have put off. Discuss the topic of procrastinating, knowing that clarity often comes in the context of community, and that we are all looking to each other to feel like we are living life more fully. 

Thaw

• How has the rain over the last two weeks affected you and others?
• What has stuck with you most from Sunday?

Read

• Proverbs 26:13
• Thoughts?
• What is it about later, after the 'lions' pass that seems so real to us emotionally?
• What are the lions you are afraid of when it comes to taking some step on a project, or a conversation, etc?

Read

• Proverbs 15:22
• Thoughts?
• What does this proverb say to your sense of overwhelm or confusion about what to do next on some project or idea?

Discuss

• What is something you wish you could do, but have learned to think of it happening at some distant point in the future?

Leader note: this could require incredible vulnerability  There are times when business men finally admit to having always wanted to be a dancer, shy women confessing they'd always dreamed of opening an ice cream shop, etc, etc. But they have all the reasons in the world why that probably is something to try at another time. Not right now. Create a space that's safe and patient, where people can reveal big dreams, ideas and fantasies of any shape, dreams or duties that God may have very well planted within them, and see what comes of the group compassionately turning it into smaller chunks to finally take on.

• What is a big thing and a little thing that comes to mind when challenged to take steps relationally, vocationally, recreationally, etc?

Apply

• In what ways do words like "lazy" or "useless" get said around you in response to what you are now seeing as a fearful response to pain, disappointment and powerlessness? What can you do about this?
• How can this group help one another to stop procrastinating on a couple of really important fronts? 
• How will you circle back and ask about all this later?

The Waiting. 3.

It should be pretty well established by now that the waiting is hard. The real trick is establishing that the reward to waiting well is more awareness of ourselves and others. Of seeing when we're so used to being blinded.


Spend some time as a group and discuss the feelings we expect God to give us, and what it might mean to our lives that God won't be delivering them.




Thaw

• Share some fall memories from your childhood. Were there any traditions, responsibilities, events that are best remembered this time of year?
• Do you find yourself looking forward to or dreading some of the upcoming holidays? Why?
• What from the message Sunday has most stuck with you?

Read

• This is traditionally understood as the Lord's Prayer. Read it together and see what new dimensions you can recognize.

Our Father, who is in heaven

Hallowed be your name

Your Kingdom come

Your will be done

On Earth as it is in Heaven

Give us this day our daily bread

And forgive us our trespasses 

As we forgive those who have trespassed against us

And lead us not into temptation,

But deliver us from evil

• Thoughts?
• Why in such a brief prayer template would Christ include two stanzas regarding forgiveness?
• Forgiveness is obviously not a feeling or a disposition, but an act of a will submitted to Christ's Kingship ("Your Kingdom come!"). What does it mean to you that this prayer connects the act of forgiveness without mentioning the associated feelings?

Discuss

• What have you observed happens when you behave primarily based on your feelings?
• In how many areas of your life do you live chiefly on feeling and does that work in your estimate?

Leader note: It may be worth pointing out in the course of discussion that so long as feelings dictate our actions to us, it's Our kingdom come rather than not God's. When we do only what we feel like doing, we shape our will around our desires, regardless of whether that's best or not. This effectively negates the first five lines of the prayer!

Apply
What can we do to become a people who behave in accord with the Kingship of God, rather than the kingship of our (undisciplined) emotions?

Leader Note: It's important to make a distinction here. Our emotions are important, and shouldn't be ignored. The word "undisciplined" is included to communicate that until the emotions are aligned with our highest selves (love, others-centeredness, grace and peace, Christlikeness, etc) then they should be considered, but given little say in the actions we choose. Leave room for people to understand this distinction; disciplined emotion is a beautiful thing!

The Waiting. Week One.

Americans spend nearly 37 billion hours a year waiting in lines. So we should probably get good at the art form.


Use your discussion time over the next few weeks to help you and your members become the kind of people who can do well what most of our lives demand of us; Waiting. Anticipating. Living between. We can't make waiting go away. We shouldn't try. Life is full of frustration and disappointment and learning to rewire hopes along the way. But it's all the more bearable when we don't wait in line alone!


Thaw

• What are some things you are looking forward to?
• What are some things coming that you dread/
• How do you navigate the emotions to both these kinds of waiting?

Read

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.  -Psalm 27:14

...blessed is the one who trusts in you.  -Psalm 84:12

...let my cry for help come to you. Lord Almighty, Hear my prayer, Lord; -Psalm 102:1

Discuss

• Thoughts on these psalms?
• Do you think of waiting on/trusting God as waiting for the exact thing you pray for, or waiting for God to help you navigate life no matter where it goes? Explain how you think of it and where you may have learned it.

Read

• Respond to this quote as a group:

A man who waits for roast duck to fly into his mouth must wait a very, very long time. 

-Chinese proverb

• What does the idea of taking responsibility for everything you can reasonably take responsibility for say to what you have been waiting on?
•  How can you tell whether you are taking responsibility for the right things when you are waiting for something? When has it crossed over into fear, control, anxiety?

Discuss

• Do you feel free to be frustrated, disappointed, etc? Who taught you this?
• Are you threatened by others' disappointment and frustration when things aren't going the way they'd hoped? From whom did you learn this?
• What would change if you allowed yourself to feel peace with your or another's frustration and concern about what is yet to come?

Apply

• In the message, Jonathan shared ideas for helping us wait well. Journaling- capturing the ebbs and flows and the overall trajectory- was one idea. Finding places, spaces or symbols that remind us that the journey we're on is good, important. Watching people's lives and learning from how they journey. These are ways that we makes waiting a discipline rather than a thing to suffer. What ways make the most sense to who you are? How can your LifeGroup help you to adopt disciplines that remind you that life is a flowing stream from one thing to the other to learn to grow in, embrace and even enjoy?

Discussing the Message

During this series "Made/UnMade/ReMade" we have been encouraging people to go through the daily readings based on the Psalms and Walter Brueggemann's thoughts. Many LifeGroups have been benefitting from the content. If you and your LifeGroup hasn't yet, please check out www.crosspoint.org/made and chew as a group on the text and ideas found there. Additionally, as always, you can discuss any message/video with the following kinds of questions:

What were the key points for you?

What was the "one thing" you took away?

What surprised you?

What bothered you? Why?

Have you ever heard or come across a similar teaching or idea? Have you ever been taught something that was contradictory?

What is/was already part of your thinking on this subject?

What did you learn that was new to you?

*About God?

*About yourself?

*About others?

What changes of thought are necessary in light of what you learned? 

What changes of action are needed?

How would life be different if you/we applied this idea fully?

What are the obstacles and what do we do about those?

What role can this group play to help you take steps this week and beyond?

Ten. Commandment 7.

TEN

You shall not commit adultery.

It's heavy subject. But one that affects all of us either in the direct sense, or even indirectly as a people so often willing to forgo their relational commitments to others in light of something else more immediately appealing. No matter the consequences.

Use this general list of questions to take a discussion with your group about the seventh commandment as far as you can.

Based on the content of the teaching/message:

What were the key points for you?

What was the "one thing" you took away?

What surprised you?

What bothered you? Why?

Have you ever heard or come across a similar teaching or idea? Have you ever been taught something that was contradictory?

What is/was already part of your thinking on this subject?

What did you learn that was new to you?

*About God?

*About yourself?

*About others?

What changes of thought are necessary in light of what you learned? 

What changes of action are needed?

How would life be different if you/we applied this idea fully?

What are the obstacles and what do we do about those?

What role can this group play to help you take steps this week and beyond?

Ten. Commandment 6.

TEN

You shall not kill.

You shall neither have the heart of a killer.

The cycles of attacks, counter attacks, preemptive attacks, revenge and all out war are obviously systemic, but are birthed in the individual. This is where we focus on ourselves, within our own groups, rather than idly chatting and trying to fix the world without dealing with our own.

Use the texts below to discuss God's kingdom and the way of Christ where anger and murder are concerned (Both literally, and as Jesus deals with it as an issue in the heart before a corpse is produced.) If the conversation slides into politics or is divisive, you will know that it has no longer become a Kingdom of God discussion, but one rooted in the kingdom of men.

Thaw

• Who is someone you know that never gets angry? Do you find them to be involved in life, or detached?
• What is something that makes you angry? Why does your anger make sense to you and what good does it accomplish? 
• Respond as a group to these two quotes:

"Everything you can do with anger you can do better without it."

“When Jesus says turn the other cheek, that does not dictate that you abandon your responsibility to make a judgment in that moment. In most occasions, in your pursuit of Jesus, you will turn the other cheek. But there will be occasions when you don’t. And when you don’t, the reason will be that love obliges you to do something different.” 

-Dallas Willard

Read

• Matt. 5:21-22
• Rom. 12:17-21
• Eph. 4:26 
• Eph. 4:31-32
• Ecclesiastes 7:9 
• Thoughts?

Discuss

• The first Issue Jesus spoke of in the sermon on the mount was anger. What are the implications of that  for a man trying to unite people in freedom and peace?
• Respond as a group to this, from Discovery.com :

During a tour around London’s Science Museum, Hawking responded to a question from 24-year-old teacher Adaeze Uyanwah from Palmdale, Calif. Uyanwah won an international contest to be his guest of honor.

During the tour, Uyanwah asked that if Hawking could change one shortcoming humanity has, what would it be?

“The human failing I would most like to correct is aggression,” said Hawking. “It may have had survival advantage in caveman days, to get more food, territory or partner with whom to reproduce, but now it threatens to destroy us all.”

Perhaps unsurprisingly, he focused on nuclear war being the trigger that “would be the end of civilization, and maybe the end of the human race.”

In an effort to counter human aggression, the 73-year-old said the quality he’d like to magnify is empathy, as “it brings us together in a peaceful, loving state.”

• Jonathan left a few thoughts at the end of the message pertaining to how an aggressive heart can grow. Discuss them and find ways to implement.

• The answer to contempt is love
• Learn to practice forgiveness 

Apply

How can this group help you to pause, reflect and see people better in order to reduce anger, aggression and the heart of one who seeks to hurt rather than bless?

Ten. Commandment 5.

TEN

Thaw

• What themes or overarching values are you gathering from the commandments thus far?
• What has most stuck with you from Sunday morning?

Read

• Exodus 20:12
• Ephesians 6:1-4

• What immediate pictures, feelings and thoughts come to you when you hear this? Where does that come from?
• What are the implications to you of this command being the only prescription, while the others are prohibitive? 
• How is this command enhanced by considering it's directed at the children of those who would worship a golden calf while this very law was being given?

Read

• Have someone read the Colossians 3:1-21, from the Message Translation, aloud for the whole group. Choose someone that can read slowly, with inflection, and see what stands out in Paul's words about what it means to be the people of Christ.

So if you're serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that's where the action is. See things from his perspective.Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life—even though invisible to spectators—is with Christ in God. He is your life. When Christ (your real life, remember) shows up again on this earth, you'll show up, too—the real you, the glorious you. Meanwhile, be content with obscurity, like Christ.
And that means killing off everything connected with that way of death: sexual promiscuity, impurity, lust, doing whatever you feel like whenever you feel like it, and grabbing whatever attracts your fancy. That's a life shaped by things and feelings instead of by God....
Don't lie to one another. You're done with that old life. It's like a filthy set of ill-fitting clothes you've stripped off and put in the fire. Now you're dressed in a new wardrobe. Every item of your new way of life is custom-made by the Creator, with his label on it. All the old fashions are now obsolete. Words like Jewish and non-Jewish, religious and irreligious, insider and outsider, uncivilized and uncouth, slave and free, mean nothing. From now on everyone is defined by Christ, everyone is included in Christ.
So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It's your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.
Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness. Let the Word of Christ—the Message—have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense. And sing, sing your hearts out to God! Let every detail in your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way.
Wives, understand and support your husbands by submitting to them in ways that honor the Master.
Husbands, go all out in love for your wives. Don't take advantage of them.
Children, do what your parents tell you. This delights the Master no end.
Parents, don't come down too hard on your children or you'll crush their spirits.

• As Paul makes his way through these ideas, to the family, what thoughts come to mind?
• What words or sentences stood out the most?
• How does learning to honor parents, regardless of their earning it or their reciprocating it affect other relationships?

• Do you feel owed something other than what you got from your parents? Why?
• What do words like forgiveness, trust, demands, bitterness, maturity, and hope say to your situation?
• How has your relationship to your parents been mirrored in other relationships, and what do you sense you need to work on in both?

Additional Texts for Meditation

• Romans 5:6-8
• Matthew 7:12
• 1 John 4:13-21

Ten. Commandment 4.

TEN

Discuss as a group how to put better rhythm in life. Allow those who have good rhythm to share how they got there and how they handle it mentally.

Discuss the reality that sabbath says your work is done even if it isn't.

Discuss how the Spirit of sabbath is trying to get the slaves out of us.

Discuss how an inability to turn off, rhythmically, is a way of slowly dying. 

Key texts for discussion:

Exodus 3:1-4 NIV
Exodus 20:8-11
exodus 31:12-14
Mark 2:23-28
Mark 3:1-4

Colossians 2:16

Based on the content of the teaching/message:

What were the key points for you?

What was the "one thing" you took away?

What surprised you?

What bothered you? Why?

Have you ever heard or come across a similar teaching or idea? Have you ever been taught something that was contradictory?

What is/was already part of your thinking on this subject?

What did you learn that was new to you?

*About God?

*About yourself?

*About others?

What changes of thought are necessary in light of what you learned? 

What changes of action are needed?

How would life be different if you/we applied this teaching fully?

What are the hindrances, and what do we do about those?

What role can this group play to help you take steps this week and beyond?

Ten. Commandment 3

TEN

Though not a justification, often times racism in a person stems from a negative encounter with a particular member of a so-called race early in life, or the impression they are given about that race by "one of their own." Sometimes people don't go to the doctor because of a horror story they heard at an impressionable age. And some kids won't eat any vegetables because of a vague memory of the texture of pureed carrots being force fed to them in a high chair.

One bad experience can unfairly, but powerfully, cast a shadow on a whole category.

And sometimes that experience is a person of faith, and the category is God.

Use this discussion to both wipe away the human fingerprints from God's love, and to help snap into realignment those of us that have gotten used to speaking comfortably and simplistically for God about the difficulties of real life.

Thaw

• What has been on your mind in the last week, and why do you think it has been in your thoughts?

• What has stuck with you from Sunday morning?
• Who did you think of during the message, and why do you think that is?

Read

• Micah 6:1-8
• Thoughts?

Leader note: The prophet Micah is largely constructed like court proceedings. Israel has a complaint, and so does YHWH. At this point in chapter 6, God is asking "how have I burdened you?". The implication is that his people are claiming they have a burden, and they may be telling the truth. It just wasn't given to them from God. God reminds them that he is the one that "un-burdened" them from slavery. (Jesus makes a similar point when he tells his followers about is yoke and burden being easy and light in that it all boils down to putting others first Matthew 11:30). A list of supposed wants and needs for a religion-protecting God follows in Micah: what does the Lord require of a person....gallons of this? tons of that? your children? various of your interests that make God out to be the taker, and not the giver? In verse 8, Micah is credited by the Talmud as actually summarizing the whole of Torah; be just, be loving, be humble in your ongoing journey with God.

Gently help people resist the urge to say "this applied to the Jews, but it's not enough because Jesus and becoming a Christian hasn't shown up yet". Jesus' message was identical, and in his Spirit this Micah 6:8 life is the life we live. 

• What does doing justice, loving kindness and walking humbly with God mean?
• What do you feel like is missing from this list based on what you have come to believe about what God wants?

Read

• Exodus 20:8
• Literally: "You do not carry the name of YHWH God emptily, for YHWH clears not the name of him who carries the name emptily."
• Thoughts?

• If this command is so that people far from him, or even people not in leadership positions, would remain clear about the difference between God's heart and human religion, what does this tell you about the power of the lives and behaviors of religious people?

Discuss

• What is something you feel you're supposed to believe about God, but have trouble with?

• What is something you have said to others in a moment of attempting to be helpful, but realized you don't even believe for yourself?
• Where do we get the impulse to have answers and speak for God?
• Why do we often condemn the actions of others, referencing God's holiness, and yet think of ourselves in terms of our intentions, referencing God's grace?
• What does Micah 6:8 say to this?
• What does Galatians 5:21-22 say to this?

Apply

• How does this group apply all this?
• How will this group know it has successfully applied all this?
• What step are you taking now?

Bears Repeating. "We're Talking About Sin Every Sunday"

"You make me sick."
.....Unless you're speaking to a virus, you're probably not telling the truth. Even if it feels true.

As a group, talk about how we decide something is wrong, whether that metric for it being wrong is consistent across other issues that are also condemned or excused, and then how we go about treating the one we are accusing of wrong. In talking about sin, you should recognize this is a sensitive subject for some. Both as people carrying the guilt and shame of sin, and for those who out of fidelity to God and God's standard, feel like it must be named and confronted.

If the spirit of the conversation strays from love, humility, good listening and gentleness, change the subject. The idea is to move forward in our understanding of how Christ deals in grace, not to move forward in how religion has divided over it!

Additionally, you may benefit as a group from taking this quick survey to examine how you prioritize the five moral foundations discussed in the Sunday message. (CARE/HARM, FAIRNESS/CHEATING, LOYALTY/BETRAYAL, AUTHORITY/SUBVERSION/SANCTITY/DEGRADATION....with the possibility of other moral foundational candidates such as LIBERTY/OPPRESSION and HONESTY/DECEPTION) Use discernment with your group, and use it not correctively but to better understand why think what we think about something being right or wrong.



Thaw

• Survey and results?
• What's an odd thing that triggers your disgust.
• What stands out for you about Sunday?

Read

• John 10:10
• Thoughts?
• How does this passage shape your understanding of what's considered sin?

• Keeping in mind the often conflicting values of Care and Sanctity, read Matthew 9 and see what patterns of boundary breaching, inclusion, and otherwise religion-threatening behavior you can find in Christ.

Apply

• What application does this awareness of how Christ treats the barriers we erect between "us" and "them" bring to your relationships?
• How does this awareness affect how you understand God seeing you?

Bears Repeating. "Calibrate Your Selfishness."

The issue isn't selfishness. 
The issue is selfishness out of balance. 

Too much selfishness and then everything is about you. That's not good for you or the rest of us.
Too little selfishness, like the impossible goal of "selflessness" and then nothing is about you. That means there's no you left for the rest of us.

Spend time as a group thinking about how a healthy, awakened view of self-interest as well as others-interest might be exactly what you need to live the life God intended.


LEADER NOTE: It's rare that I (Steve) change a visual metaphor between services. But this Sunday I did. First hour I drew a tick and "heaven" (heaven to describe God) as two ends of a continuum. But there was a lot I was leaving out for the sake of time. Unhappy with the result, I compressed it some to ensure it was as helpful as possible. A seeming subtle change but a change nonetheless, I drew a tick on one end and a human being to describe, from left to right, what we aren't and everything we can be. If you have people in your group who turn out to have gone to first and others to second and third, there will be doe variance in how I described the way selfishness scales. Second service was the one that made it to the podcast, so maybe listen to it ahead of time if you need to hear the difference. 


Thaw

• Who is someone you know that gives of themselves?

• What in your estimate allows them or drives them to be like this?

• What most stayed with you from Sunday?

Read

• Phil 2:1-8 

• Thoughts?

Leader Note: some interesting discussion is sure to come when you explore the nuances of some of the original language here. Have the group to consider the passage again if necessary in light of the meaning of these words:  Selfish ambition (Greek is eritheia) “One who has a desire to put one's self forward, a partisan and fractious spirit which does not disdain low arts” (low arts as in manipulating others through the use of sham, trickery and false kindness. "Conceit" (Greek is kenodoxia) literally translates "empty glory" or glory without any good reason other than the desiring of it. Verse 5 reads "Have this mind" Mind here is the Greek phroneō, which is not an achieved state of being or natural process of thinking but a mutually adopted set of decisions we have to keep making again and again.

• Paul is describing something that takes real effort and transformation. What shifts would have to take place in you regarding how you relate to others if you were going to follow what Paul says?

• What makes you decide to be more selfish, or more others-centered?

Read

• Matthew 9:35-36

• Thoughts?

• The word "compassion" is “splagchnon" in Greek, which refers to Jesus' guts. This is a very visual way of describing the visceral sense of connection Jesus has with others when he sees others in need. He can literally feel it. What kinds of things stir you to act on others behalf?

• Are there examples of where you have stopped allowing this stirring to motivate you to serve others, such as busyness, doubt about what difference it would make, etc?

Apply

• How can this group help its members to be honest about selfishness out of scale?

• How can it help its members understand how to balance self-interest and the interests of others in a way that upholds the high calling of those who follow the Christ?

Bears Repeating. "Guilt and Shame"

"Jesus never leveraged guilt or shame to try and control people's behavior."

-Jonathan Bow

....so then how did he ever get anyone to do anything good?

Use this discussion time to explore as a group what a life where shame and guilt, the baggage of the past and a general fear of unworthiness, have been disarmed.

___________________________

Thaw

• When do you feel good about you?
• What's a terrible, criminal, evil thing you have done in the past to someone that you still feel guilty about? (Just kidding, but the response one has to being asked this might be worth talking about. Even in the absence of answering this intrusive question, how we feel when asked might tell us about how we manage our inner world and the secrets we keep from others.)

Read

• Romans 2:4
• Thoughts?
• Why would God be kind to people who he wanted to change? 
• Why would God not use guilt since those who need to change are in the wrong?
• When might God need to allow guilt to be used?

Quote

• Respond as a group to this quote from the message:

"Guilt says you made a mistake. Shame says you are a mistake.

Guilt says you did a terrible thing. Shame says you are a terrible thing."

Leader note: If someone is consciously, knowingly harming (or allowing one to be harmed) for personal gain, then guilt is appropriate. It's a communal check that has spiritual, physiological import, as it makes hurting others in sane and healthy people emotionally uncomfortable. People who do not experience appropriate guilt for harming others are dangerous people. God is not inviting us to become those. God is inviting to be people who stop feeling guilt for things that have been confessed, dealt with and awakened to. To rid ourselves from a paralyzing, haunting shame for being terrible in our very being.

Discuss

• Who in your family uses, (and perhaps taught you to use) guilt to make others do things?
• What benefits does feeling owed provide?
• What drawbacks?
• What benefits does generally feeling like you owe others provide?
• What drawbacks?
• What benefits does working to never be indebted to others provide?
• What drawbacks?

Apply

• How can this group be a place where guilt and shame get checked at the door?
• How can this group work on being a people who stop with the debt/debtor exchanges in their relationships? 
• What makes you nervous about this idea?
• What inspires you about all this?

Bears Repeating. "Don't Worry."

Don't worry.
It's not a light switch. But at least you can become more aware, and regain control in that awareness. So, maybe it's at least a dimmer switch, and only your hand is on the knob.

Spend some time as a group discussing what it might look like to "gain traction" in the area of our worry, anxiety and fretting about things we can and can't control.



Thaw

• Who was the person who taught you what you believe about worry?
• What would be different about your life if it had no worry in it?
• How does your answer reveal to you whether worry seems necessary or not?
• What has most stayed with you from Sunday?

Read

• Matthew 6:25-34
• Thoughts?
• What is the difference between worry and concern?
• Why do we believe being upset is necessary to accomplish a goal?
• How did Jesus do what he did without worry, and do you have to have the "son of God" card to be able to live that way?

Read

• Philippians 4:4-9
• Thoughts?
• What does Paul have to say about waging war on worry with gratitude?
• What does Paul have to say about how to see the rest of the picture rather than "just the one dot on the board"?

Apply

• How is worry and anxiety causing friction in your relationships, and how might naming that be helpful?

Meditation

• Name something that is currently worrying you. Play out the worst case scenario with it. See if you can disarm the thing that is worrying you to the point of paralysis and misery by naming all the things that could happen, and what you would do if they did.

Leader note: This is a mindfulness trick. Say a member reveals they are scared they are going to have their house foreclosed upon or get a bad diagnosis or flunk a test. Play out the worst case with them. Enter the question, "then what?" Each domino falls, and rather than worry (which paralyzes) the member applies thoughtful concern (which takes responsibility.) The line of questions isn't to prove there is "nothing to worry about," although it can have the affect of neutralizing unnamed boogeymen. This trick helps people identify the parts of their stress they can control and which parts they cannot. It unlocks and empowers the mind. When Jesus says don't worry, and when he says 'seek first the Kingdom', he may be understood to be saying "you are worrying to the point of blindness and ineffectiveness. Find the power available to you as a kingdom citizen, and ask the King to do the rest." That is, he is helping us put fear away so we can be properly concerned with living our lives well. These peaceable, well-lived lives are Kingdom lives.

Bears Repeating. "It's Your Church" (Late late edition)

"A delayed blog post is better than no blog post at all."

-Harriet Tubman

Here's a few thoughts to discuss the message from Sunday.

Discuss as a group the implications that your group is church, your families are church, your church is church, etc. In the deemphasizing of the institution of "Church" it suddenly pulls into focus our role, or lack of it, in the way of Christ. Not as a guilt trip, but as a clarifier of whether we are in direct contact with our own faith, or if the church mediates for us. It's an important distinction as we consider both the relevance of our own belief, and how we think of God in our world.

Read and compare

• Numbers 11:24-29
• Mark 9:38-40
• 1 Corinthians 3:16

Discussion questions

• What most stuck with you from the message Sunday?
• What effect does finding out you are the church, authorized by Christ to carry out The Way with or without a formal assembly of church leaders?
• Does this idea scare you, inspire you? Explain?

Bears Repeating. "Words Matter"

Words are why you think what you think about yourself and everything. They are the shape of every thought you have! So you might as well pay attention to them.

Spend some time as a group reminding yourselves, as we must often do when it comes to our mouths, the power of our words to do good and harm.

Thaw

• What is something someone said to you at a young age that has stuck with you the most?
• How do those words shape your current behavior?

Read and discuss each

• Proverbs 18:21
• Matthew 12:34
• Proverbs 26:18
• Proverbs 15:1
• Proverbs 12:18
• Proverbs 16:24
• Ephesians 4:29

Apply

• What are some ways you have learned to speak with less regret in your life?
• How do you ready yourself for others whose words are reckless and unmeasured?
• How has pre-determining to go into any given scenario as a listener helped you, and are there any opportunities coming up where you can prepare to listen more than to speak?

Bears Repeating. "What fills your tank? What empties it?"

As a group, take on Jonathan's challenge from the message Sunday:
Discuss what fills each person's emotional tank, and what fills it. And then challenge each other to add and subtract one thing from that tank in the next season.

Here's to life, and the Christ who rests while giving that life to us.

Bears Repeating. "There's More Going On."

This week we're taking a look at word again that means....taking another look.

Respect.

The respect you give someone or something is measured by your willingness to look deeply at it, to find its value, its sacred place, even as others have decided they have it pegged. This is the contemplative mind.

Spend some time as a group discussing how the study of scripture in its context is similar to the discipline of seeing people in theirs.



Thaw

• What if anything happens inside you emotionally as Spring arrives?
• Referencing last weeks message, what dogs have you managed to get on a leash, or at least name?
• What from this Sunday has stuck with you most?

Read

• Matthew 9:10-13
• Thoughts?
• Why does Jesus make a connection between people's appreciation for human beings and their appreciation for texts they're already familiar with?
• How is interpreting scripture and interpreting people similar?

Leader note: It may be helpful to think of the similarities in terms of a) consideration of context [historical, cultural, familial] b) intent [what was meant versus how it might be taken on a first pass], c) what am I consciously or unconsciously bringing to it [was my mind already made up, what biases should I name, etc]

Discuss

• How can "the art of the pause" help to ensure we are respecting people (ensuring we are really seeing and hearing them?)
• In what ways is this pause, this contemplative consideration, easy or difficult for you?
• Why is respecting others so difficult when we don't feel respected ourselves?
• In what ways are respect and love the same thing?
• Why is it so difficult to consider "there may be more going on here?"
• Who in your circles of life might say they feel disrespected by you (you don't/won't understand them, hear them, appreciate them, etc?)

Bears Repeating. "You'll always wrestle with that..."

It's something we say a lot.
Not to make someone feel defeated, but to make clear the nature of their journey and to alleviate any unhelpful expectations;

You'll always wrestle with anxiety

You'll always wrestle with judgment

You'll always wrestle with insecurity

You'll always wrestle with anger

You'll always wrestle with depression

You'll always wrestle with greed

You'll always wrestle with hate

It doesn't "go away." 

You'll die with it in you.

For some people this is not true. Or at least it's less true. They come to faith and because of their preexistent disposition or an extra bucket of God's grace, they just aren't the way they were. But for many of us, our growth as followers of Christ doesn't cancel out our junk. For us, we have to allow the Spirit to teach us what Paul was learning, "Self-control".

Use your group time to take some steps in trust. That's what it will take to allow others, especially Christ-following others, to see the junk we've not been successful in eliminating. But knowing each other on this deeper level is key to our ability to keep the dog on a leash.

Thaw

• What stuck with you most from Sunday?
• What specific thing did you feel like was being personally addressed for you?
• What steps have you taken or planned to take?

Read

"I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has strengthened me, because He considered me faithful, putting me into service, even though I was formerly a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent aggressor. Yet I was shown mercy because I acted ignorantly in unbelief; and the grace of our Lord was more than abundant, with the faith and love which are found in Christ Jesus. It is a trustworthy statement, deserving full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, among whom I am foremost of all. Yet for this reason I found mercy, so that in me as the foremost, Jesus Christ might demonstrate His perfect patience as an example for those who would believe in Him for eternal life." 

-Paul, 1 Timothy 1:12-16 

• Thoughts?
• Why would St. Paul say, "I am foremost of all" rather than "I was foremost of all," and how might what he was formerly (blasphemer, persecutor, violent aggressor) still influence him at the time of this writing?
• What does Christ having perfect patience tell us about the expectations on us?

Discuss

• As you have become a person of faith it undoubtedly brings about positive changes and enhancements to who you are. Have you noticed however that some of the old patterns of thinking, views, perspectives and attitudes have held on? To whatever degree you're comfortable doing so, share this.

Read

• Galatians 5:22-23
• Why would Paul start this list with Love and end it with Self-Control?
• What's the difference between suppressing desire or ugly thoughts from others and bringing these seeming indelible facets of who you are under self-mastery?

Leader note: A key difference to look for is that suppression and hiding are often about doing what is assumed necessary to stay "in the group." As discussed several weeks ago, the hope for being counted among the "holy" can cause all kinds of pretending and duplicity. Just shove the liabilities down in a dark hole in your head and pretend they aren't there! However, Self-mastery is the acceptance of self- warts and all. Self-mastery denies nothing, but instead acknowledges the weaknesses and is humble towards self and others for seeing it. Suppression makes us insensitive, willfully unaware hypocrites. Self-mastery makes us empathic, honest lovers of self and others.

Apply

• In what ways can this group help you get the dogs that won't go away on a leash?

Leader note: Consider constant awareness techniques such as short prayers about the situation you're in or will be, meditating on how you're own mind is doing and how it will be as an interaction draws near, naming un-judgmentally the junk you carry as a way of recognizing it's part of you and God already knows it (and has perfect patience for), questioning the validity of your conclusions and feelings even as they feel so real and justified, pausing before speaking or reacting, etc. Your specific group can adopt some strategies depending on themes you discover as you come to know each others' "dogs."

• For the next week, what specific ways would you like to be prayed for as you implement self-mastery over a particular issue?
• Update each other on your progress next week.