Bears Repeating. "Guilt and Shame"

"Jesus never leveraged guilt or shame to try and control people's behavior."

-Jonathan Bow

....so then how did he ever get anyone to do anything good?

Use this discussion time to explore as a group what a life where shame and guilt, the baggage of the past and a general fear of unworthiness, have been disarmed.

___________________________

Thaw

• When do you feel good about you?
• What's a terrible, criminal, evil thing you have done in the past to someone that you still feel guilty about? (Just kidding, but the response one has to being asked this might be worth talking about. Even in the absence of answering this intrusive question, how we feel when asked might tell us about how we manage our inner world and the secrets we keep from others.)

Read

• Romans 2:4
• Thoughts?
• Why would God be kind to people who he wanted to change? 
• Why would God not use guilt since those who need to change are in the wrong?
• When might God need to allow guilt to be used?

Quote

• Respond as a group to this quote from the message:

"Guilt says you made a mistake. Shame says you are a mistake.

Guilt says you did a terrible thing. Shame says you are a terrible thing."

Leader note: If someone is consciously, knowingly harming (or allowing one to be harmed) for personal gain, then guilt is appropriate. It's a communal check that has spiritual, physiological import, as it makes hurting others in sane and healthy people emotionally uncomfortable. People who do not experience appropriate guilt for harming others are dangerous people. God is not inviting us to become those. God is inviting to be people who stop feeling guilt for things that have been confessed, dealt with and awakened to. To rid ourselves from a paralyzing, haunting shame for being terrible in our very being.

Discuss

• Who in your family uses, (and perhaps taught you to use) guilt to make others do things?
• What benefits does feeling owed provide?
• What drawbacks?
• What benefits does generally feeling like you owe others provide?
• What drawbacks?
• What benefits does working to never be indebted to others provide?
• What drawbacks?

Apply

• How can this group be a place where guilt and shame get checked at the door?
• How can this group work on being a people who stop with the debt/debtor exchanges in their relationships? 
• What makes you nervous about this idea?
• What inspires you about all this?