Bears Repeating. "We're Talking About Sin Every Sunday"

"You make me sick."
.....Unless you're speaking to a virus, you're probably not telling the truth. Even if it feels true.

As a group, talk about how we decide something is wrong, whether that metric for it being wrong is consistent across other issues that are also condemned or excused, and then how we go about treating the one we are accusing of wrong. In talking about sin, you should recognize this is a sensitive subject for some. Both as people carrying the guilt and shame of sin, and for those who out of fidelity to God and God's standard, feel like it must be named and confronted.

If the spirit of the conversation strays from love, humility, good listening and gentleness, change the subject. The idea is to move forward in our understanding of how Christ deals in grace, not to move forward in how religion has divided over it!

Additionally, you may benefit as a group from taking this quick survey to examine how you prioritize the five moral foundations discussed in the Sunday message. (CARE/HARM, FAIRNESS/CHEATING, LOYALTY/BETRAYAL, AUTHORITY/SUBVERSION/SANCTITY/DEGRADATION....with the possibility of other moral foundational candidates such as LIBERTY/OPPRESSION and HONESTY/DECEPTION) Use discernment with your group, and use it not correctively but to better understand why think what we think about something being right or wrong.



Thaw

• Survey and results?
• What's an odd thing that triggers your disgust.
• What stands out for you about Sunday?

Read

• John 10:10
• Thoughts?
• How does this passage shape your understanding of what's considered sin?

• Keeping in mind the often conflicting values of Care and Sanctity, read Matthew 9 and see what patterns of boundary breaching, inclusion, and otherwise religion-threatening behavior you can find in Christ.

Apply

• What application does this awareness of how Christ treats the barriers we erect between "us" and "them" bring to your relationships?
• How does this awareness affect how you understand God seeing you?

Bears Repeating. "Calibrate Your Selfishness."

The issue isn't selfishness. 
The issue is selfishness out of balance. 

Too much selfishness and then everything is about you. That's not good for you or the rest of us.
Too little selfishness, like the impossible goal of "selflessness" and then nothing is about you. That means there's no you left for the rest of us.

Spend time as a group thinking about how a healthy, awakened view of self-interest as well as others-interest might be exactly what you need to live the life God intended.


LEADER NOTE: It's rare that I (Steve) change a visual metaphor between services. But this Sunday I did. First hour I drew a tick and "heaven" (heaven to describe God) as two ends of a continuum. But there was a lot I was leaving out for the sake of time. Unhappy with the result, I compressed it some to ensure it was as helpful as possible. A seeming subtle change but a change nonetheless, I drew a tick on one end and a human being to describe, from left to right, what we aren't and everything we can be. If you have people in your group who turn out to have gone to first and others to second and third, there will be doe variance in how I described the way selfishness scales. Second service was the one that made it to the podcast, so maybe listen to it ahead of time if you need to hear the difference. 


Thaw

• Who is someone you know that gives of themselves?

• What in your estimate allows them or drives them to be like this?

• What most stayed with you from Sunday?

Read

• Phil 2:1-8 

• Thoughts?

Leader Note: some interesting discussion is sure to come when you explore the nuances of some of the original language here. Have the group to consider the passage again if necessary in light of the meaning of these words:  Selfish ambition (Greek is eritheia) “One who has a desire to put one's self forward, a partisan and fractious spirit which does not disdain low arts” (low arts as in manipulating others through the use of sham, trickery and false kindness. "Conceit" (Greek is kenodoxia) literally translates "empty glory" or glory without any good reason other than the desiring of it. Verse 5 reads "Have this mind" Mind here is the Greek phroneō, which is not an achieved state of being or natural process of thinking but a mutually adopted set of decisions we have to keep making again and again.

• Paul is describing something that takes real effort and transformation. What shifts would have to take place in you regarding how you relate to others if you were going to follow what Paul says?

• What makes you decide to be more selfish, or more others-centered?

Read

• Matthew 9:35-36

• Thoughts?

• The word "compassion" is “splagchnon" in Greek, which refers to Jesus' guts. This is a very visual way of describing the visceral sense of connection Jesus has with others when he sees others in need. He can literally feel it. What kinds of things stir you to act on others behalf?

• Are there examples of where you have stopped allowing this stirring to motivate you to serve others, such as busyness, doubt about what difference it would make, etc?

Apply

• How can this group help its members to be honest about selfishness out of scale?

• How can it help its members understand how to balance self-interest and the interests of others in a way that upholds the high calling of those who follow the Christ?

Bears Repeating. "Guilt and Shame"

"Jesus never leveraged guilt or shame to try and control people's behavior."

-Jonathan Bow

....so then how did he ever get anyone to do anything good?

Use this discussion time to explore as a group what a life where shame and guilt, the baggage of the past and a general fear of unworthiness, have been disarmed.

___________________________

Thaw

• When do you feel good about you?
• What's a terrible, criminal, evil thing you have done in the past to someone that you still feel guilty about? (Just kidding, but the response one has to being asked this might be worth talking about. Even in the absence of answering this intrusive question, how we feel when asked might tell us about how we manage our inner world and the secrets we keep from others.)

Read

• Romans 2:4
• Thoughts?
• Why would God be kind to people who he wanted to change? 
• Why would God not use guilt since those who need to change are in the wrong?
• When might God need to allow guilt to be used?

Quote

• Respond as a group to this quote from the message:

"Guilt says you made a mistake. Shame says you are a mistake.

Guilt says you did a terrible thing. Shame says you are a terrible thing."

Leader note: If someone is consciously, knowingly harming (or allowing one to be harmed) for personal gain, then guilt is appropriate. It's a communal check that has spiritual, physiological import, as it makes hurting others in sane and healthy people emotionally uncomfortable. People who do not experience appropriate guilt for harming others are dangerous people. God is not inviting us to become those. God is inviting to be people who stop feeling guilt for things that have been confessed, dealt with and awakened to. To rid ourselves from a paralyzing, haunting shame for being terrible in our very being.

Discuss

• Who in your family uses, (and perhaps taught you to use) guilt to make others do things?
• What benefits does feeling owed provide?
• What drawbacks?
• What benefits does generally feeling like you owe others provide?
• What drawbacks?
• What benefits does working to never be indebted to others provide?
• What drawbacks?

Apply

• How can this group be a place where guilt and shame get checked at the door?
• How can this group work on being a people who stop with the debt/debtor exchanges in their relationships? 
• What makes you nervous about this idea?
• What inspires you about all this?