Between, VIII

In the spirit of series finales...we wrap up Between. Will all our questions be answered? Will all be resolved? WHo shot JR? What IS the island anyway....?

Nevermind.

This week, as we wrap up where we have gone over the last 8 weeks, you may sense a unique opportunity to ask how the group is going for the members? It's a vulnerable thing to do, but catalyzing closeness often comes with an honest assessment of where things really are.

Explore different areas of life as you discuss grace and truth, but be sure and cover how grace and truth are playing out within the group itself. Note as well that the ice breaker is a little different, and is meant to bless busy souls by creating an environment of meditation and calm. Evaluate whether this is a fit for where you are in your group (but don't shy away just out of discomfort...God speaks in silence as well as study and sharing!)

Thaw

• How hectic is life right now? Share.
• (If busy...)How long has it been like this? When do you see it letting up? How will you make this happen? How do you see it affecting you/family/mind/body/faith?
• (Leaders, say something like:) We're going to try something that may seem a little awkward, but followers of Christ have been doing it for thousands of years: for the next few moments, close your eyes, and breathe slowly. As you breathe in, perhaps pray in your mind "Our Father in Heaven". As you breathe out, "hallowed be Your Name.." and so on through the rest of the Lord's prayer (May need to post the prayer or show where it is in the Bible for those who do not have it committed to memory). When distracting thoughts creep in, imagine putting them in a drawer or inbox. Don't be bothered that you're distracted, it's just how your mind works. Store the thought for retrieval in a few moments- you can come back to it, just not now. Right now, you are quieting your self and re-centering your thoughts on God. (4 minutes is plenty).
• (Afterward) Thoughts?

Switching gears...

• What has most stuck with you from Sunday's message?
• What do you sense God is nudging you to do with it?

Read

• Mark 10:17-23
• Thoughts?

Leader note: Try not to allow the discussion on this section to be overtaken by talk of money. If you sense that this is a topic the group wants to discuss, decide on a time to do it later (unless you think it's where the Spirit is moving the discussion today...). Try and keep the discussion on how Jesus handles the rich man who is torn between a desire for God and his stuff. Make sure that Jesus' love for the man, as well as his uncomfortable truth, are both in play. Grace and truth.

• John 8:1-11
• Thoughts?

Leader note: This text has been covered recently (within the last few months) in another message. Be sensitive to that, but also aware that the text can take on new dimensions each time you pass through it. Some members with more academic backgrounds may point out that this section of scripture isn't found in the earliest manuscripts on John, and appears to be inserted. If it comes up, it may be worth noting that this text may have been omitted from Luke earlier on, according to some scholars, perhaps because of how scandalous it seemed to earlier church leaders that such a sin was treated this way. In the wrong hands, it could seem like a condoning of adultery by Jesus! Later, it was added back to the only written gospel they had available when it was seen for the grace and truth that it was. There are also numerous scholars that think it was there originally, while others disagree with both those camps. Rest assured, it's a true account, wherever it's supposed to sit in the Bible.

• Is Jesus excusing the rich man's or the adulterer's behavior? Explain.
• How would you describe Jesus' approach to failure?
• How is this different from you approach to failure?

Discuss

• In the message, Greek word order was covered. How do you understand grace and truth based on the significance of word order?
• What immediate affect does this have on your understand of God, and his view of you?
• What affect does this have on how you view others?
• Is there a specific relationship that you are having a tough time understanding how this will apply?
• How has a "truth first" mentality been toxic in your life, or in our society?
• How does a "grace only" mentality also equal eventual disaster?
• Respond as a group to this quote by Randy Alcorn:

Truth is quick to post warning signs and guardrails. Yet it fails to empower people to drive safely, to avoid plunging off the cliff, and fails to help them when they crash. Grace is quick to post ambulances and paramedics at the bottom of the cliff. But without truth, it fails to post warning signs and build guardrails, and therefore encourages the very self-destruction it attempts to heal.

Apply

• Share a time when grace and truth were given you in balance.
• How did/does it change you and deepen your relationship with that person?
• What is this group heavier on, grace or truth?
• What would it look like to be a more balanced group?
• What are the risks?

Leader note: you may point out that one risk is that if some in the group decide to live in a balanced grace and truth, while others reject it out of fear, then it won't work very well. It's worth noting that, along side fear making us want to pick just one side, those who excel in truth need humility, and those who excel in grace need the courage to go beyond safe and shallow. there really is a dance to be practiced.

• How would grace and truth make this group better?
• How would it improve some of the members' other relationships?
• What are the obstacles that need dealt with immediately?

Closing

Leader note: You may wish to close with communion, as a very intimate intersection of grace and truth in and between your members. You may opt for prayer. You may also wish to, without paper necessarily, see this time as a deepening of your covenant together. Be mindful that whatever you choose should be based on where you think the group is being led to go, which is always into more significant trust and love.

Luau at the Good Samaritan's Inn

Blain Dillard, one of our LifeGroup Leaders, shared with us about their group’s recent serve at the Good Samaritan’s Inn Saturday Supper.

In his words…

“DRM was a blast last night.. Since we chose Hawaiian Chicken for the entree, we decided to do a Hawaiian theme...

• Had our team dress in bright (or Hawaiian) colored clothes (some actually cooperated with me on that one!!!)
• Did a little decorating making the entrance like a Tiki Hut
• Gave out leis when people arrived
• Gave out little umbrella straws with the drinks
• Brought our own music complete with a Hawaiian music CD, Blue Hawaii, Hawaii Five-O theme, and several Beach Boys tunes.
• I picked up a few packs of Silly Bandz beforehand and my son Caleb gave those out to the kids at DRM. Boy, he was really popular for that!!

Anyway.... It was a cool evening, and I think we were as blessed as the DRM folks were. I think it's really great to have a theme to make the evening a "little extra" special for only a few extra bucks for the embellishments.

Here are some pictures...
http://picasaweb.google.com/blainncDurhamRescueMissionHawaiianLuauMay222010#5474539450956134642 “

Kudos & thanks to Blain and Lori for leading their group to serve and making serving so much fun!

Between, VII

This week's discussion on guilt should ring a few bells with your group members. Guilt lives like a fungus in many of our relationships, some of which we don't even have anymore. It's a way of interpreting our connection with our parents years ago, it's a way of thinking about faith, it's a way of getting what we want or feeling pressed to provide what someone else wants. A God-given motivator for rightness has overstayed its welcome and infected our whole life, longterm.

This week, you may find that the thrust of the discussion is deeply therapeutic, while dealing specifically with faith. Or with a current relationship. Or with a past one. Pay close attention, and try and allow plenty of time in each category, rather than flitting like a bird from one idea to the next. If you can focus, growth in this area will be better made- so, you may be listening to someone talk about guilt in their childhood, and someone interjects about "Catholic guilt." Hear out the second person, but then, say something like, "I think that's a valid direction to go, but I wonder if we should spend a few more minutes discussing how guilt and condemnation and a sense of "owing" shaped us as kids, and affects how we interact now.....Bob, what else can you tell us about your upbringing and guilt".

Thaw

• What's the worst job you have ever held. Why was it bad?

• How have you seen your mind and/or a relationship change since the beginning of this series?
• What is a recurring theme that you seem to be hung up on?

Read

• Numbers 5:5-8
• Thoughts?
• When you have fallen short of a standard in your behavior (sinning against someone, somehow), it creates an internal and inter-relational deficit. Something internally tells you that you must pay something to make the deficit go away. How does God answer this?

Leader note: The idea is simply to attach what is written in the two passages above with the psychology of guilt. Knowing that we will need to do something, and pay something to ease our minds, God gives a system of confession and 20% over payment. This way we can be sure it's finished afterward. Also note that the passage discusses next of kin. In the event that the sin happened along time ago, and the person isn't even around anymore, you can pay restitution to the family, or even to the priest if they are gone too. Note that the idea of an intermediary isn't applicable first. First, it's the person wronged- then the family- then an intermediary. In the Catholic tradition, many people have come to think that confession is something done through a priest and then it's over, leaving the "sinned against" un-dealt with. You may want to reference 1 Timothy 2:5 for those hung up on our call to confess directly to those whom we have sinned against, and to God, without a human traffic cop to make it all official.

• Why is sinning against someone connected to be "unfaithful to the Lord" in verse 6?

Read

• James 5:15-16
• Thoughts?
• Similar to the Numbers 5 passage, confession to others, God's pardon and our overall health are connected. How is this different that your view, previously, on guilt and confession?

Read

• Romans 2:4

Discuss

• How is this picture different or similar with your view of God and how he transforms people and their behavior?
• How is this mentally the same or different with how your parents raised you and got you to do and think the right way?

Leader note: Here, you may find that people need a little prodding to see how guilt has followed them around for years like a stray cat they once accidentally fed. Ask follow up questions and look for nods that communicate others in the group can relate and may be waiting for you to invite them to add their experience as well. Be aware that guilt, fear and anger are ll cousins, and getting a chance to talk about how we carry this junk around, and how it clouds our view of each other and God, is very helpful. As John said, perfect love drives out fear. Paul added in Romans 8 that in Christ, there is now NO condemnation!!!

Fear is the tax that conscience pays to guilt. George Sewell

• How is this mentality different or similar to how you interact with people in your life?
• How would your relationships be different if you began using less of an "I owe you/you owe me" framework, and more of a model of kindness and patience?
• How is this striking you as immediately unrealistic?

• Why do we avoid risking being "in debt" with other people?
• Why do we sometimes work to get others in our debt?
• How does this power struggle affect our ability to surrender to each other, and being loving?

Leader note: It may be worth camping out in the idea that you can't, at the same time, being working to maintain some kind of relations power and control over someone, while also loving them. For the most part, control over others and love of them is an either or choice!

Apply

• What do you sense this group is supposed to do with this discussion and the information we have shared?
• What are the implications of living without guilt and condemnation between us, others and God?
• How do we begin breaking the power of guilt in our lives so that we can have a healthy understanding of how God transforms us, as well as when actual, good guilt is necessary?

Leader note: Remember, some guilt is good, as it serves as a catalyst for right action and thought. It's living in guilt that kills us.

• As a group, go into the rest of your week (life?) being mindful of all the ways guilt and manipulation and fear and anger are trying to control how you interact with others, and how you see God as you think and pray. Acknowledge it as it creeps in, and replace it with an others-centered, peace-having, Father-trusting love.

Updated Curriculum Guide

Check out the latest copy of the LifeGroup Curriculum Guide on the resource site. Also posted is a new Children’s Resource Guide with insights from leaders as to what they have used for the children in their LifeGroup during meeting times. Thanks Christy Wing, LG Leader, & Kim VanPelt! If you have additional resources that you’d like to recommend or review, please email Jenny.

Between, VI

As we delve into the 6th week of the series, make sure as the leader of your group to go over the themes already covered for review. Each week, in no particular order, is connected to the others. Therefore, revisiting the ideas and previous weeks' discussions gives your group better success in getting the information (and of course, the application) deeper into their minds. You can ask specific questions of specific people in ways that no curriculum guide can detail; only you know your group. ("Hey John, a couple weeks ago we talked about conflict....how is that tension between you and Bob going at the office?" "Sherry, catch us up on how unconditionally loving your sister after all these years is changing your hearts/relationship. What is God teaching you as you go about your relationship differently?"

As we lead our groups, we often need to ask the direct questions that people need to be asked to get the vagueness of discussion to directly apply to life- therefore helping us be transformed in the renewing of our minds. Enjoy it!

Thaw

• Who in your family are you most like? Why?
• What are the benefits of that similarity?
• What are the drawbacks of that similarity?

• What most impacted you from Sunday?
• What is something that you heard before, but forgot?
• Anything new?

Read

Leader note: this may be a great opportunity to create some quiet, reflective space. Assign these texts to be read individually, silently and slowly. Invite each person to write down key words or phrases that seem to pop out for whatever reason they do so. You may want to print the texts out ahead of time for anyone who notoriously forgets their Bible, or doesn't own one.

• Colossians 3:1-15
• Ephesians 4:17-32
• Galatians 5:13-26
• Thoughts?
• What kind of issues would you guess Paul saw a lot in the early church?
• Which themes seemed to most speak to you, for your life?

Discuss

• When has anger served a good purpose for you? Share.
• When have you seen anger in others that was right and good?
• When have you seen anger in others (or yourself) that, with some reflection, you realized wasn't good.

Leader note: You might want to bring up that movies often have a revenge theme in them that feels satisfying on some level. But often, after some thought and comparison with Romans 12, etc., we find that even though it felt satisfying, it was a celebration of using evil to conquer evil.

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves….Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse…..Live in harmony with one another. ……Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay"…. (from Romans 12)

• When has anger cost you?
• How could it have been avoided?

Leader note: Try and help people keep the passages they have just read in mind as they offer suggestions.

Read

• James 4:13
• How have you seen what James is saying play itself out?

Leader note: Depending on the time that you have, and whether you think it will fit for your group, consider having 2 people share a story (you may want to ask them ahead of time, especially if you know of specific stories they could tell that would be pertinent) that illustrates angry tensions birthed out of self-centered desires. You may have a story yourself!

Apply

• How has pausing and thinking helped you with anger?
• How has entitlement, or a sense of fighting for yourself, crept into your daily life?
• How is considering the context for someone else ("considering the prequel") helped you love someone that you were angry with?
• How can this group provide an ongoing support for you as you work to allow God to redirect your anger into something beautiful, redemptive?
• What's the daily exercise, beyond service on Sunday and group time, that each member can employ to build a sense of peace into a habitually anxious, low-boil anger life?
• How can this group help you step into good anger (missions, vocational, educational, social....something that isn't right that needs your anger so God can redeem part of it)?

Additional reading

• Proverbs 14:29. 15:1, 15:8, 16:32, 29:11
• Mark 3:1-6
• Ephesians 4:26-27

Leader note: These are great passages not only for further personal study for the memebers of your group, but also work well in an email after group, throughout the week. It's a loving reminder that what was discussed still maters days later, and really helps build permanence once your discussion time is over.

Between, V

Hopefully this series has sparked some good discussion and even better insights into the layers of junk and brokenness that exist between us. It can't be over-said; how we handle our relationships, both in how we create them and how we experience them, has everything to do with our Christian faith. Loving God, loving others....that's the whole Bible and God's entire list for what He wants us to get right in accordance with his son. these are sacred conversations we are having with our groups each week, and are deeply significant opportunities to encourage and challenge our members.

This week will feel a bit review-ish for some, but also stands as an "oh yeah...that's why my relationships and acquaintances still don't feel right..." as we dive into the reality that love of self can be hindering our success as truly living others. Encourage your group to think about motivations, quiet manipulative voices that play in the mind as we communicate with others and make decisions with each other. Christ commands that we love as he loves us, which is no small order. It's also not merely conceptual- it's an attitude that accounts for other's shortcomings and trusts God for results. It's the only way to peace.

You may want to work extra hard to not only nudge all to participate, but do what you must to get to the application section to make your discussion as fruitful as possible.

Thaw

• How have you seen your mind and your relationships shift in the last 5 weeks?
• What areas (relationally speaking) have not changed and you find yourself frustrated by that?
• What was most significant to you about the message Sunday?
• What do you sense you are suppose to do with the message in terms of turning information into behavior?

Read

• Matthew 5:43-48
• Thoughts?

Leader note: Some translations read "pagans", which can seem specifically pointed at one group of people. The actual term is "Gentiles" which means non-Jews, or those with no idea who God is, who Christ is, and what the Kingdom life is about.

• How do you see the attitude that Jesus is speaking against play out in your life?
• What are the motivations behind treating others this way?

Read

• Matthew 20:20-28
• Thoughts?
• What are the motivations of this mother and her sons?
• Verse 24 describes something far from a celebration. What's going through their mind?
• What is the relational breakdown about?

Leader note: The key here is that they are each competing with each other for rank. And that competition has suddenly turned this band of friends into hindrances to achievement to each other. Now they are something to outplay and outrank. And Jesus, again, says that this mindset belongs to the non-Jews (and by extension, non-Christians) who don't understand life and love of others, but are instead bent on outshining their competitors. This has a direct application to how we live with friends, family and co-workers. Are they the objects of our love, or are they "taking" something from us every move they make? Can I celebrate them, or is their success a blow to my ascent? This is selfish-love Jesus is exposing. Note that the very next thing Jesus does after this discussion about the two disciples jockeying for position is gives two blind beggars their sight.....ouch.

Read

• John 13:34-35. 15:12
• How would you describe Christ's love (especially in the context of hours-before-the-betrayal-and-crucifixion context that Jesus is speaking) to someone that had never heard of him?
• Why doesn't Jesus associate any promises or benefits to this command to love as he has loved?

Discuss

• Why is conditional love actually self-love?
• Why is unconditional love risky?
• Why do some feel unconditional love is naive and creates personal set-back?
• Who are the hardest people to love this way, consistently?

Apply

• Who are the specific people/persons in your life that you withhold love (the attention, care, time, sympathy, understanding that they need regardless of their ability to reciprocate) from?
• What is the cost of giving yourself to them?
• Who has withheld love from you in your life? How can you love them anyway?
• What does it mean to love others and trust God with the results?

Leader note: As the answers come in for the last question, help the group to understand that this is what Jesus means when he says love as he loves. This is "cross-style" love that makes itself vulnerable, even suffering, for the sake of others out a firm belief that that brand of love brings God's Kingdom. Not easy, but holy and eternal nonetheless. You may wish to pray that God's Spirit would fill our attempts to love like Christ, as this kind of no-strings love doesn't come from will power, but from His.

Prayer

Additional texts for meditation

• 1 Peter 4:8
• Proverbs 10:12
• Luke 7:36-43

Between, IV

Next week, more detailed, message-specific discussion guides will resume. Until then, use the following questions as your group dives into this weekend's message.

• What were the key points for you?
• What was the "one thing" you took away?
• What surprised you?
• What bothered you? Why?
• Have you ever heard or come across a similar teaching or idea? Have you ever been taught something that was contradictory?
• What is/was already part of your thinking on this subject?
• What did you learn that was new to you?
• *About God?
• *About yourself?
• *About others?
• What changes of thought are necessary in light of what you learned?
• What changes of action are needed?
• How would life be different if you/we applied this teaching fully?
• What are the hindrances, and what do we do about those?
• What role can this group play to help you take steps this week and beyond?