They are most often ways that we ready ourselves to be disappointed. Ways that we hope others come through for us, as we have made our very enjoyment of our lives dependent on it.
Expectations are also those things others have of us.
Those ways that we can pass or fail with our words, our decisions, our existence. The list of healthy expectations one holds over another are very few. Most of them, the scads of them we live within the pressure of, are killing us. And most of us can't tell the difference between healthy or un. We just keep subjecting ourselves and others to them indiscriminately.
And as we are finding out through the honesty of the dying, it ends up being our biggest regret.
As a group, see if you can take one step out of the world of enslaving expectations and into the freedom Christ insists is ours when we're ready.
Thaw
- What most stuck with you from Sunday morning?
- With what do you find yourself conflicted over, and why?
Read
- Mark 3:20-35
- Thoughts?
- Why is Jesus catching all of this criticism?
- What, in your mind, would he have to do, to soothe the tensions over him, and how would that affect us and our faith today?
Discuss
- What are some examples in your own life where you feel tossed back and forth between what you feel like you're wired for and the expectations (and the threat of consequences that come with those expectations) of others?
- Would you rather die regretting not being true to what you really are, or die regretting being misunderstood? Why?
- Each person in the group choose no more than two from the following list of people and detail the expectations you have on them:
- Parents, boss, children, employees, siblings, significant other, teacher, government leader.
- Where did you get your expectations?
Leader note: Alert the group that any answers like "common sense" or "reasonable expectations" may very well (and quite likely are) culturally conditioned and are therefore not common. Other cultures probably go about the relationship in ways very foreign to our method. Understanding the preferential nature of our expectations, despite them feeling inherent and instinctive, can dislodge them from moral absolutes to preferences, therefore reducing the pressure and tension in big, freedom offering ways.
- Where did you get your expectations of yourself?
- Do expectations on you, from others and then on yourself, ever make you feel bitter or tired or generally negative? How does your answer help you understand this as yet another way to put the golden rule in effect?
Leader note: If a member feels under the gun by everybody, and is constantly editing and criticizing, they are likely tired over it all. Taking this pressure off others is a way of saying "this is the world I'd like to live in, so I will begin creating it for others. I will love others the way I would like to be loved."
Apply
- What expectations exist in this group, within the couples, the singles, the group and its leader(s), etc? Positive or negative, discuss them in the safety of total honesty, and see what you can learn about yourselves, about how you carry expectations and the bitterness or subtle divides that comes with them, etc.
