Mind Your Head: People of the Smaller Table

On a chilly Saturday, March 4, 1933, with the US reeling in economic hardship few of us could really comprehend, Franklin Delano Roosevelt said in the opening of his inaugural speech,

"...first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear, is fear itself — nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance."

Here we are, eight decades after the Great Depression, still learning from these historic words. Still trying to figure out how un-paralyze in the face of economic challenges. Still trying to figure out what to do with a seemingly primal urge to be terrified. Still allowing ourselves to slip into a visceral, instinctive anxiety that robs us of the very life we're trying to protect with panic.

And Jesus offers us, in yet another way, rescue. Freedom from slavery. Peace during storms.

Use this group time to not only discuss the topic, but to uncover ways that the topic describes how the members of your group are living their actual lives. This isn't most centrally about money, even though that issue is the anchor we're using. It's about wisdom and mindfulness. Remember, wisdom isn't just about knowing things that others might not. Wisdom is being able to apply that knowledge when everyone else has succumbed to reflex. You may find that your LifeGroup is the best (only?) shot some of your members have to live a different way, despite the culture demanding we live off fear and the divisiveness that goes with it.


Thaw

• Share a time when you were paralyzed by fear.
• What most stuck with you from Sunday?

Read

• 1 Timothy 6:6-21
• Thoughts?
• Why was this a big enough deal for Paul to close his letter to Timothy this way?
• What would you say is the wrong way to understand his words to Timothy, and ourselves?
• Have you seen what Paul is warning Timothy about play itself out in your or others' life?

Read

• Matthew 6:25-34
• Thoughts?
• Do we believe Jesus is giving realistic words to us in this passage? Why or why not?
• Jesus mentions "what will we eat...drink...wear..?" These are primary categories of sustenance and protection from the elements. What can we learn by his not mentioning "How will I pay for my house?" or "where will I work?" or "how will I receive a college education?".

Leader note: The idea in this last question is to recalibrate our perspective about how much of our normal life would be better considered a blessing. An extra. In speaking to the poorest of the poor, Jesus was speaking to base needs. To us, it sounds like he doesn't understand what needs really are because his list is so incomplete. Many of us have amassed so many things and experiences that we forget a life of blessing can be lived in conditions we may now unconsciously consider a curse. Being careful not to demonize the wonderful blessings we have, it's helpful for people to see how insulated from reality they can have us become. God may not consider us in a tragic situation if we lose our house or are unable to fix our car. Challenged, but not in a tragedy. Worry is a sign that we have forgotten that poverty is relative, and that we've been invited to live richly at every level of resource.

• What are things that sneak up and make you worry the most?
• How does this affect your life? The life of those around you?

Read

• Proverbs 15:17
• Thoughts?

Read

• Romans 12:1-2a
• Thoughts?

Discuss

• How can we, in the midst of a culture that seems to exist on fear and impulse, live un-conformed lives?
• What would the affect be on the culture if followers of Christ were known not by what they were against, but for being models of wholeness, peace and love no matter the outer circumstances?

Apply

• What are things you feel paralyzed by right now?
• How can this group help you?

Leader note: People may say that there is nothing the group can do to help. This presupposes that there is nothing that can be done with the fear and as such, must be experienced. Gently reaffirm that the person is not alone, that Christ's words about worry are about perspective change, not circumstance change, and allow the group to be creative in how it can love its members.

Story

• Many of us have heard this story, but it does a good job in repositioning us back into the reality we most desire:

There was once a businessman who was sitting by the beach in a small Brazilian village.

As he sat, he saw a Brazilian fisherman rowing a small boat towards the shore having caught quite few big fish.

The businessman was impressed and asked the fisherman, “How long does it take you to catch so many fish?”

The fisherman replied, “Oh, just a short while.”

“Then why don’t you stay longer at sea and catch even more?” The businessman was astonished.

“This is enough to feed my whole family,” the fisherman said.

The businessman then asked, “So, what do you do for the rest of the day?”

The fisherman replied, “Well, I usually wake up early in the morning, go out to sea and catch a few fish, then go back and play with my kids. In the afternoon, I take a nap with my wife, and evening comes, I join my buddies in the village for a drink — we play guitar, sing and dance throughout the night.”

The businessman offered a suggestion to the fisherman.

“I am a PhD in business management. I could help you to become a more successful person. From now on, you should spend more time at sea and try to catch as many fish as possible. When you have saved enough money, you could buy a bigger boat and catch even more fish. Soon you will be able to afford to buy more boats, set up your own company, your own production plant for canned food and distribution network. By then, you will have moved out of this village and to Sao Paulo, where you can set up HQ to manage your other branches.”

The fisherman continues, “And after that?”

The businessman laughs heartily, “After that, you can live like a king in your own house, and when the time is right, you can go public and float your shares in the Stock Exchange, and you will be rich.”

The fisherman asks, “And after that?”

The businessman says, “After that, you can finally retire, you can move to a house by the fishing village, wake up early in the morning, catch a few fish, then return home to play with kids, have a nice afternoon nap with your wife, and when evening comes, you can join your buddies for a drink, play the guitar, sing and dance throughout the night!”

The fisherman was puzzled, “Isn’t that what I am doing now?”

Mind Your Head, The Habit of Pain

An old man stands by the side of a road outside a large city. A younger man walks up to him on his way into town and asks the elder, "I'm moving into this city, what are people like here?"

"Well. first tell me what people were like in the city you came from," the old man responded.

"They were great. Very kind. Hard working. They're good people and I'll miss them," he answered.

The old man stared into the city with a smile. "Son, that's exactly how these people are. You're going to love them. Welcome."

"Thanks, old timer," the young man said as he continued on his way.

Not a minute behind the young man, a second came. The second young man stopped where the old man had stationed himself and, with a sigh, asked the same question.

"So, what are people like in this town?"

"How about first you tell me about people where you come from."

"Eh," the young man said with a dismissive snort. "A bunch of selfish, no good, morons. It's good to have them in my past."

"Well son," the old man said with sympathy in his face. "I am sorry to have to tell you, that that's exactly how the people in this city are. Good luck."

We're often creating a world and accusing it of already being that way. And in this projection that we call reality, we shape God and others around our own imagination. Right or wrong, this takes some undoing. As people of the Christ, our goal is to live properly with our maker and others. This is not possible to the extent that we're not actually interacting with them as they are. We don't get any points (or really any sort of ultimately enjoyable life) for living well within the boundaries of a world we made up in the first place.

Thaw

• What are a couple scenarios where you have noticed wisdom having a larger role in your days?
• Have you noticed wise decisions in others that you may have overlooked before?

Read

• Psalm 139
• Thoughts?
• What thoughts, whether extended from the message on Sunday or from this reading, do you have about David's song?

Discuss

• In what ways have you noticed that your past has shaped how you see your present or future?
• In what ways have you noticed that the way you see others has been shaped by the events of your past?
• How does the cross of Christ speak to pain in all its intensity and unfairness?

Read

• Romans 12:9-21
• Thoughts?
• How does God take revenge, and how might this feel dissatisfying at first?

Leader note: This will serve for some as a trick question. Make sure and note that the last sentence, overcoming evil with good, isn't a command that we're told to follow but God doesn't also live by. This is the peculiar, eternal way of God- canceling out evil with goodness. He doesn't answer pain with ugliness like we so often do. This is why it can be dissatisfying: we want God to hate like we hate, and to take our side. But instead, he absorbs pain and evil, ours and "theirs", and offers us a whole new way outside of a reaction to the one we've walked. He answer's pain and evil and sin from his wholeness. His holiness! See Romans 2:4 as well)

• As we reflect on the pain that we've both caused and suffered, how can we learn to get past it through the cross?

Leader note: Some will try and get past it with religious rhetoric and bumper sticker theology. Kindly call that out. We're talking about people sharing actual, lived experience with healing and wholeness through the Christ, not simply parroted phrases.

• Respond as a group to this quote:

“Our tendency in the midst of suffering is to turn on God. To get angry and bitter and shake our fist at the sky and say, "God, you don't know what it's like! You don't understand! You have no idea what I'm going through. You don't have a clue how much this hurts.The cross is God's way of taking away all of our accusations, excuses, and arguments.The cross is God taking on flesh and blood and saying, 'Me too.'" ― Rob Bell

Apply

• How do we pray what David prayed at the end of Psalm 139 and mean it?
• How do we expect God might show us the Habit of Pain and us quitting it?
• How can this group help make you more aware of how pain and guilt and regret and anger are shaping the world for you?

Mind Your Head: The Way of the Door

Conflict. To strike against.
You have already experienced this today. Things going slightly, or dramatically, at odds with how you want them to go- even how they should go.
How will we behave in light of reality not often being alined with how we want it?

One answer is always, of course, rooted in the fact that we want too much. We have too many desires that go un critically supported by ourselves and our culture. Once we figure out that our desires waging battle within us are keeping us disappointed by the reality outside our head, life gets a heck of a lot smoother.
But until then, we have to mind our head about our response.

Use this discussion as a way of creating an environment where it's safe to disbelieve the culture's dominant paradigm about conflict, and therefore grow. This is counter-cultural to say the least. And the work isn't easy. However much at odds with everything else, this is what it means to be wisely aligned with the very spirit of Christ, who was fundamentally at odds with us, and yet calls us friends.


Thaw

• What have you noticed about the Olympics that tells us about the differences in nations' culture?
• What things have you noticed about your own thinking since this series, Mind Your Head began?
• What most resonated with you from Sunday (most challenged, most clarified, etc..)?

Read

• Proverbs 29:11
• Thoughts?
• How does this frame you last skirmish with someone else, or theirs with you?
• Why do many of us believe that other's control our moods, happiness and even the things we end up saying?
• Can you think of a cinematic or literary figure that was known for being in control, even though his or her opponents tried to rattle them?

Read

• Proverbs 12:16
• Thoughts?
• What would you say is actually happening when a disagreement turns into something that controls the mood, and in some measure the life, of those involved?

Leader note: It is worth noting, despite our focus on "conflict", that we are often controlled by someone else's positivism as well. Remember, being affected is normal. But falling under the control of someone's flattery and admiration, or attraction or envy, is just as bad or worse than being controlled by their negativity. You may want to ask some of these questions along the lines of the positive things that get said and allow to shape our identity. Sometimes good is just as bad!

Read

• James 4:1
• Thoughts?
• What percentage of your relationships and interactions would you say is best described as the Way of the Breach?
• What is the root cause and what do you think could be done about this?

Discuss

• Who do you know that lives out the Way of the Door? Describe them.
• Who do you know that lives out the Way of the Wall? Describe them.

Apply

• Are there things that you don't say in this group, though you'd like to, because you know that it may actually control the mood of others?
• Are there people in this room that wanted to answer yes to the preceding question, and didn't because they didn't want to change the vibe of the room?

Leader note: This is supposed to be funny. But it's also supposed to alert us to all the ways that we believe we're living in a breach, anxious what goes out of the hole, because anything can come back through. Use this as a time to commit to affecting each other, but not having control over each other. Our LifeGroups should be a (THE for some of us) place where it's not unsafe to say things, explore things and admit things, there being little risk that others will feel overtaken by it. Sure, it's risky to some degree. But aligning our hearts in unity always was. 

• How much time do you spend angry or frustrated at others for their behaviors, and would you like that to be less?
• What can this group do to help it's members, on a daily basis, live in peace with the world regardless of its acquiescing to our wants?
• How can we work to love people from the strength and wholeness of the way of the door, even if they live at the breach or the wall?

Leader note: Pay attention to answers that sound like a need to drag others into a life they don't yet want. We can't "make" people live at peace with us. We can only woo them into the lives that we are living. Which of course says a lot about us spending our energies demonstrating wholeness rather than insisting others convert to our ways without living those ways ourselves.