Above Ground 9 Self-Control

"I am indeed a king because I know how to rule myself."

-Pietro Aretino

"Most powerful is he who has himself in his own power"

-Seneca

The last word Paul uses to describe the evidence of the presence of God's Spirit is, once again, also a way of describing how we bless others and ultimately ourselves. Self-control is a character trait sought after for millennia. All you have to do is pay attention to the lives of those who seem to have no control over their own words and actions and impulses, and you suddenly value it more than any other thing. As a group, discuss what stands in the way between us and actually having mastery of ourselves, and see what you can discover about how we hand control to other people and things without really knowing it.

Thaw

• What does Easter mean to you this year, and how is that different than last year?
• This being Holy Week, what thoughts do you have about Christ and his death, burial and resurrection?

• What is foremost on your mind from this Sunday?
• What people (real life or even in a favorite story) do you think of when you think of someone totally in control of themselves?

Read

• Proverbs 25:28
• Thoughts?
• What is the significant of referring a city's defensive structure?
• Why did the writer of the proverb metaphorically use a "city", which is packed with people and complicated layers of social strata, rather than a person or some kind of animal?

Read

• Genesis 3:1-13
• Thoughts?
• How does the scenario in Genesis 3 painted for us to dwell on reflect our own dealings with temptation, impulse and blame?
• Can you give examples?

Leader note: Help the members of your group to think of times when they have been confronted with a lack of self-control, and in response they blame other factors. Cheating at work or school could elicit a "it's the systems fault; they set us up to fail, I had no choice if I wanted to succeed", or our attitudes when we fall below a health goal or through avoidable circumstances are late somewhere. Help the group to see that the story of Adam and Eve isn't just a theological historical story, but an ongoing narrative about what still traps us. We love to disobey the still, small voice. And we love, subsequently, to blame everything but ourselves!

• How might the story have been different if Eve and Adam would have discussed their weaknesses with God and each other?

Leader note: You may want to point out in here somewhere that self-control doesn't mean "doesn't need anyone's help". It means "knowing exactly what kind of help you need".

Discuss

• What role does blame have for the spiritually mature?
• Discuss the role blame has for someone tuned into self-mastery.
• Discuss the importance of knowing yourself (your triggers, your inner habits. knowing how you actually feel beneath how you think you ought to feel, etc.) for self-control.

Read

• Galatians 5:22-23
• What role does self-mastery play in each of these nine words?

Discuss

• At what times, or in what specific ways are you notoriously lacking in self-control?
• How has our culture told you it is ok, cute, or futile to reverse?
• How often do you carry regret for not controlling yourself (words, actions, thoughts, reactions, etc)?
• How often do you find yourself defending an action or trying to explain a circumstance away, hoping subtly to retain respect?
• Going to work on self-control can make your lack of it worse, because it becomes an effort to stop embarrassing yourself, or an effort to make your life more manageable. Trying to control yourself in such a case is more like trying to shut up an annoying friend. Self-control, however, is different. It is the transformation of mind (Romans 12:1-2). How can this group help you grow in self-awareness?

Leader note: Embrace as a group that if all you ever do is discuss sermons/curricula academically, then you'll miss out on really knowing each other and, more significantly, yourselves. It will always be "about" life, but never really diving into yours! Group should be a place where people speak into our lives, and where we're slowly, beautifully, excruciatingly, invited to see clearly the person we seek to offer to God. Challenge the group gently to think about what it would mean to allow others to ask and speak into our blind spots, and regardless of our agreement or disagreement; its a safe place to say and hear all of that, because the goal is real transformation, not just information!

Additional reading options

• James 3:3-12
• 1 Corinthians 9:24-27
• 2 Peter 1:5-7
• 2 Timothy 1:7