As in weeks prior, the main point is the main point, yet the principles can be applied in numerous situations regardless of the kinds of relationships we're talking about. Make sure and think through the implications before and during your group time of how the single people in your group will benefit from the discussion.
Thaw
- What kinds of thoughts and discussions have you had regarding "The End of the World", the Rapture, etc?
Leader note: Probably note wise to make theological stances public if you have them, or to let some debate develop, hijacking your whole time together. The idea here is simply to talk about what many have been thinking about in recent days regarding God, the Bible and judgment. For reference, there is no official position at Crosspointe on eschatology and/or end times. The views held by staff and elders vary regarding what the rapture is if there is one, Christ's return(s?) and what the word "apocalypse" means. This variance multiplies beyond measurement when you include the differing perspectives held in the whole community. So, enjoy a brief chat about it, try not to let anyone's belief in the room or in the news be labeled "whacko", and keep moving!
- What most stuck with you from Sunday morning? Why?
Leader note: Always bear in mind that for many people, the most significant moment happened in communion or in the music, or in prayer. make sure and give them room to share.
- Who popped into your mind during the message?
Read
- Proverbs 4:23
- Thoughts?
- Over the years, how have you learned to do this, and what is the difference between doing this and simply filtering what words and actions come out (behavior management)?
- Over the years, how has this been difficult?
- How much easier is it to pay attention to others' hearts? Explain, or give recent examples.
Read
- Jeremiah 17:9
- Psalm 139:23-24
- Matthew 15:8-11
- Thoughts?
- How is a close relationship, especially marriage, a crucible for the heart?
- What problems does this cause?
- What blessings does it provide?
Discuss
- How is naming the emotion you are feeling, or the differing perspective you hold, helpful?
- How is it sometimes manipulative?
- When named, what are some helpful responses the other person can provide?
Leader note: This line of questions gets at the openness we are allowed to have with trusted others, especially those we are married to. This openness calls out our quiet, disruptive parts of our hearts that may be determining how we relate to others without ever fully realizing it. This is the beauty, if even painfully so, of genuine intimacy. If we can get to a point where it is safe to simply say "I am feeling disrespected and angry", and for the other to listen and decide to be part of healing (rather than irritation or defense) then the two grow closer, as well as more self-aware (mature!). Yet, if the naming of feelings is put forth to manipulate the other, or control how the other person is speaking or acting, then growth isn't going to happen and, frankly, the two people have more stuck between them than before!
- How is reflecting quietly, by yourself, before you share with others, helpful?
Leader note: No new ground being broken here. The 10 second count. The agreement to talk minutes later. The taking a walk to get some space and clarity. These are all time-tested ways of getting the impulsive heart to quiet itself before relational harm can be inflicted by just saying whatever unprocessed words and emotions fill your mouth. The strategy for this has to be done ahead of time in the same way that the time to practice your free throw is not during the game. Let the older, wiser in the group speak to what he/she has learned about this over the years.
- Has there been a time when you "bit your tongue" and recognized things going better for it?
- What's the difference between not saying something to protect a sense of peace, and not saying something because you don't trust the maturity and wholeness of what you feel the need to say?
- How does this apply to marriage?
- How does this apply to all relationships?
Discuss these phrases:
"When you said that yesterday, it made me mad""When you were late, I was disrespected"
- What is the difference between being made mad, and choosing to become mad?
- What is the difference between being disrespected, and choosing to feel disrespected?
- Is it possible for you to make a distinction between what someone else controls in your heart, emotions, etc. and what you control? Explain.
- What are the benefits of making this distinction when it comes to your spouse? Others?
- How is protecting your heart regarding others more difficult when the other person seems to be clearly in the wrong?
- Why might this be even more important where the issue is more objective?
Apply
- What strategies can this group employ to better protect its collective, and individual, heart?
- What role does your daily interactive faith play in understanding your heart, guarding it and knowing it?
- How can this group help with this particular facet of your journey?
- How can this group help you as a husband or a wife trying to have the heart toward each other that you vowed?
- What stands in your way?
- What can you/we do about what stands in the way starting now?
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