This week is on a topic that will be very quickly recognized as something we all wrestle with.
How much of our lives are based on trying to acquire honor, recognition and praise? How often do any of us decide to encourage another, while at the same time letting that deferred praise benefit him or her as we ourselves slide out of the limelight? How utterly un-American.
The way of humility is up there with "as hard as it gets" we live in a culture that hates humility, and instead thrives on self-promotion, out-classing/ranking/achieving the people (or "competitors") all around us.
Use this discussion time to step into a new level of humility, love and peace. This may be a discussion that shapes others as you refer back to it in the future. You will discover ways in which the "seat of honor" is lived for, and may find it helpful from here on out to refer to a solid discussion on humility as a way of understand ing some of the relational tensions that are subtly created by brothers and sisters who haven't realized how often they're playing the game with each other.
Thaw
- Does the way the group is seated tonight reflect any sort of hierarchy? How are the seats chosen?
- If age and reputation for punctuality were factors for higher honor, how would people in this group be seated in relation to the host?
- What stuck with you most from the message on Sunday?
- Where are the specific areas in your relating to others that you sensed God wants to work with?
- Were there any ideas that weren't covered in the message that you think are applicable?
Read
- Luke 14:7-11
- Thoughts?
- Jesus was very much familiar with both the content and the heart of the Proverbs in this parable. Read:
- Proverbs 25:6-7
- Proverbs 25:7
- Proverbs 27:2
- Is what Jesus is teaching still valued in our culture ( or any modern culture), or has it been lost? Explain?
- What does Jesus mean in Luke 14:11?
- Is this a statement that brings peace, or skepticism? Explain.
Read
- 1 Peter 5:5-7
- Thoughts
Leader note: "Lift you up" in 1 Peter is the same Greek word hypso-o, and isn't strictly a elevating in the literal sense, but a lifting up from lowly circumstances, such as better seating around the banquet table. It's interesting to note that in Jesus' parable, he has the humiliated person moving down to the least place, rather than everyone scooting one seat to accommodate the more distinguished person arriving. Many of us would "choose another table" where we could find the honor we're due. Jesus wants us to experience the Father exalting us, however, rather than moving us to another place where our lust for honor and respect can continue to burn unchecked. Sliding us down won't teach us. Moving us to another table wouldn't teach us. Painful, but what our hearts need to be like Christ.
Discuss
- If our father in heaven wants to bring us up or exalt us anyway, why doesn't he just let us acquire whatever honorable position we're proud of?
- What affect on our love and equity with other does it have when we are allowed to believe that we're entitled to honor, praise and recognition?
- What does it do to our internal sense of peace when we feel as though we must constantly fight for a better chair in the chair game?
- When we live in "chair anxiety", how does this affect our relationships at home, at work at school or even within our church community?
- What are examples of how we try and position ourselves in the eyes of others, and what's really going on?
Leader note: Sometimes, when a stay-at-home-mom or dad answers the question "what do you do?" with "well, right now, I am home with our young children, but I have 2 degrees and I'll be getting back into my career when they're old enough..." what we are hearing is someone that doesn't believe God is going to exalt parenthood, so they are trying to get their listener to place them in the right chair. Being able to simply rest in the fact that they are doing one of the most sacred jobs in the universe, regardless of its lack of appeal in this production-based culture, or the absent income and flare, is an indicator that he or she is not playing the chair-game, and has peace. Help the group be creative in discovering ways we play with our words, our possessions, our experiences, our reputation and our overall spot in our culture.
- Why is desperation for praise and honor often easier to detect in others?
Apply
- More than getting used to "giving up our chair", we have to be people that serve the others seated. Jesus washed feet, taking the place of one who wasn't worthy to even sit in the low spot. Lower than low, the King of kings. When we practice humility, we defer praise and encouragement by serving. Where can we begin the practice of generous praise first?
- What are ways we can stop playing the chair-game at work and become the consummate encourager instead?
- Will it cost you?
- Who in your circle seems to not be worthy of much honor, and, in fact, is often the object of much dishonorable speech, gossip, etc...? How can you, regardless of their behavior, begin providing honor immediately?
- How is our style of relating, speaking, etc. changed by giving up the chair-game?
- Is there any one in the group willing to endure the discomfort of allowing the group to help them stop playing the chair-game by calling him or her out on it when it's happening?
Prayer
- Spend some time asking for God to give eyes to see and ears to hear all the ways in which the game is being played and its not even realized. Additionally, pray that the other members of this group would step into helping shape an attitude of humility that flies in the face of a completely different and anxiety fueling way that our culture has taught us to live. Pray that God would show us in the next 24 hours all the ways that we seek better seating, and for others to agree we should be sitting ahead of them somehow...and then that He would give us the courage to give up our seat, the game and serve them with the honor we wanted for ourselves.
Additional texts
- Psalm 94:18-19
- Mark 10:44-45
- Romans 12:16
- Philippians 2:3
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