I Prefer Sticks and Stones week 1

If you doubt the power of words, then you probably have never been spoken to. With words, people can make your day, or ruin it. Loved ones can encourage you, or give you a thought that takes a couple years of therapy to shake. In the beginning, God spoke into nothing and created everything, and then made us in His image. So, something about the power of words has been retained in our own nature too, and depending on how we use them, they can create or destroy.

This series is about just such power. It will be a series on relationships, specifically about how those relationships are shaped by our communication. Use this series as a group to help identify patterns of miscommunication in marriages, between members, with family back in other states, angry outbursts at the store, etc... If we can get it in our minds that we have a canon just beneath our noses, we will see the quality of our relationships (and our faith) improve. Additionally, we need proper views on the words coming at us, especially when those words run contrary to what God has already said about us.

Thaw

• What's the most encouraging thing you can remember ever being said to you?
  
• Have you ever been shocked at how encouraged someone was due to something you said to them?
  
• What's something that someone said to you that hurt you?
  
• What's something you have said that hurt another?

• Has anything stayed with you from the message Sunday? Share.
  

Read

• Proverbs 10:19
  
• Proverbs 10:31-32
  
• Proverbs 12:6
  
• Proverbs 12:18
  
• Proverbs 17:27
  

Leader note: You may want to put a few of these on index cards for your member's dashboards, office desks, counter tops, etc. This may even be a good thing to create together. These short phrases carry an amazing amount of weight, especially for those who are all too aware that their mouths are creating problems. These cards are an easy, simple way to keep the most pertinent Scriptures close by.

• Thoughts?
  
• Have you ever been around someone that spoke less than what you would call normal? What was your impression of this person?
  
• Why does our culture talk so much, if most of us (people of faith or not) recognize the potential harm in uncontrolled speech?
  

Read

• Matthew 12:33-35
  
• What is Jesus saying about the kinds of things we say, if even impulsively?
  

Read 

Leader note: You may find it appropriate to let your group not only read the following, but to meditate on it for a few moments to get at what James is saying. In light of Jesus' indictment to the religious for having words that match what's inside them, the rest of your time is about taking steps in understanding that our mouths aren't just connected to our stomachs, but our hearts as well.

• James 3:1-12
  
• What kind of lights are going on for you?
• Why is the tongue (speech) seemingly unable to be controlled, as opposed to say, your feet?

Leader note: That last question, though having scientific answers, is, again about the heart. We speak reflexively in order to survive, defend or out of the sheer habit of processing thoughts with our mouths.

You may note that verse 1 doesn't mention that the stricter judgment will come from God, necessarily. Perhaps James is warning his readers about the brutality of criticism that comes from leading others? Makes sense in light of what he's discussing a few sentences later. As you discuss the entirety of this passage, make sure and highlight what James wants us to see, not just hear. "Small affects big". These slight and seemingly benign comments and phrases are the sparks that cause relational wildfires.  It's EASY to control your tongue when it comes to the big and explosive exchanges. But it doesn't start there. It's starts with sparks. Then fire. You cannot easily control fire once it catches. Spend some time exploring how controlling the incessant need to add commentary, criticize and talk before thinking equals becoming a man or woman of wisdom and faith.

Application

• What are some ways that we can begin creating the habits of wise and monitored speech?
  
• What are the circumstances and environments in our lives that work against an effort to practice speech restraint?
  
• What is a healthy balance with this LifeGroup for people speaking and people using restraint? When is it unhealthy to speak or even not speak?
• What times this week can you fast from speaking? Perhaps, as a group, each member that's able can remain silent through their breakfasts, lunches, an hour each afternoon, and perhaps some time in the evenings. Additionally, one or more members may have meetings or even just general work environments where it's become normal to weigh in on everything, though it's never been necessary. How can the group help support an effort to reduce words there too?
  

 A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, 

       and a man of understanding is even-tempered.

 Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, 

       and discerning if he holds his tongue.

Proverbs 17:27-28