Throughout the scriptures, these ideas and others get at a similar theme: what God is doing is chiefly inside me, not at my exterior. But it doesn't happen easily.
Each week, regardless of the topic, our goal in groups is to create a place where people can know and be known. As John Ortberg insists, "You can only be loved to the extent that you are known." This week is no exception. Bring this always-behind-the-scenes work to the foreground, spending some time as a group talking about how your group functions, and what it means to be known. To not merely talk "about", but into. If a few members of your group are uncomfortable, if there are large gaps in sharing where you have to fight to resist the urge to fill them with words, if the overall tone feels less slightly social and more vulnerable. . . you may be doing something right.
Thaw
- What stuck with you most from Sunday, and why?
- Who do you know that is a person of faith and seems to leave others alone, tending very well to the inside of his or her own "inside of the cup"
Read
- Mark 7:14-23
- Thoughts and impressions?
Read
- Matthew 23:1-12, 23-28
- Thoughts and impressions?
Discuss
- Why would God care about our hearts and transforming our minds, since controlling our behaviors seems to produce the same results as far as any other human being is concerned?
- Why are people so prone to speak one way, and yet actually BE another
- On any given interaction, what percentage of the real you would you say people are actually experiencing?
Leader note: A fun follow up to this question: "from which part of you, the real part of you that is kept hidden, or the part that does the pretending, just shared that percentage with us? How can you tell the difference?" It's fun, but also a way to continue allowing the group to understand just how deep our resistance to actually being known runs.
- Has this group afforded you a place to be more real- to deal more with the inside of the cup? Less? Same as other social circles? Explain why this is, and whether you think your answer says more about you, the group, etc.
Leader note: Be sure not to be defensive if the group dynamic is called into question. One of the main reasons, if not THE main reason people aren't honest in a case like this is because they believe they can hurt others and will feel guilty for offering honest feedback. So they lie to "keep the peace". If someone says "Frankly, this group is unsafe and I don't want to share my real life here because of the criticism, gossip, immaturity, etc..." you may feel yourself swell. Others on the group may as well. Instead, see the information as intel for improving the group for another person, and simply followup and ask what changes the person thinks could be made so they would feel safer "going there", as well as "being there" when others do.
- Many of us are pro's at keeping issues outside of ourselves. If you have a habit of creating walls around yourself, of being defensive, of spinning, of speaking in a way that communicates you need respect or acceptance, are you willing to allow others in the group to bring that up with you? Why or why not?
- What would this look like in your group?
- How would this equate to people being better known, and to subsequently being transformed inside-out?
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