We would love to hear some stories about all that, so while maintaining an appropriate amount of confidentiality, please share what you can about your members' growth in the last few weeks and what that means.
Additionally, make sure your plan for meeting is absolutely clear through the end of the year. Thanksgiving dinner? Serving together? Holiday travel? Christmas plans? New Year's? Get out your calendars and make sure you're all on the same page so the year doesn't fizzle out.
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This week's stand-alone message is positioned at the perfect time, as we determine what we mean when we say yes to Jesus, as well as try and meet all the other expectations that mount from this point on, through the end of the year. As the leader, try and hep your group understand how this issue is largely performance-based, and that understanding a life lived free of false expectations is a life lived in peace.
You may want to recommend this book for members that want to take these valuable ideas further for themselves and their family.
Thaw
- What would be the ramifications of you sitting on the couch all this whole week, getting up only to eat and use the bathroom?
- What is the difference between fulfilling healthy responsibilities, and trying to meet unhealthy expectations?
- What stuck with you most from the message this week?
- Do you feel like there is an area that God wants you to focus on specifically, or perhaps a general sense of expectation that hangs over you? Share.
Read
- Luke 10:38-42
- Thoughts?
Leader note: Help the group identify that this passage isn't a depiction of good vs evil. So often we think that's the theme of scripture; but here Jesus points out a good vs. better.
- How did Martha's pressure get passed on to her sister?
- How would this have gone if the guest were someone other than Jesus?
Leader note: The point here is that it's likely Mary would have been dubber "lazy", or somehow less a guest than Martha. Of course, a guest less than Jesus certainly changes the pressures to sit at his feet, get things ready, etc..., but this doesn't lessen the reality that Martha is subtly judging her sister for not operating under the same expectations she is apparently operating under. As a result, Martha is in the presence of Christ and is bitter, wrongly focused and enjoying little or no peace.
- Verse 38 says that the home is Martha's. How does this affect the pressure she feels to fulfill expectations?
- Knowing its her house, and her sister doesn't seem to share her values for hospitality, how could she have handled this better from the beginning?
Discuss
- How is it that the perceptions of others become an expectation?
- How do we avoid this?
- How do we turn it around if we recognize it too late.
Leader note: Make sure the group is aware of cynicism. Simply refusing to be nice, hospitable, engaged, diligent, etc. for the sake of personal "peace" is not the answer, as it is simply a pendulum swing in the opposite direction.
- What are some expectations that your family has on you that creates pressure, anger, resentment? Where do these expectations come from?
- What are cultural expectations that you feel you fall short of, also creating negativity? Where do these come from?
- Are there unhealthy expectations at work or school that you continue to be mastered by?
- How do you choose what to say yes to?
- How do you choose what to say no to?
- What can you imagine the benefits would be in being able to say yes to the right things for you, your family and your journey?
Meditation
- Spend some time thinking of your life in columns, and how expectations and pressures shape how you live in each column. You may want to break down your life into categories like family, work, recreation, etc... (having a category called "faith" or "spirituality" is unbiblical, because the collection of categories is, together, your spiritual life. It's tied to each thing we do.) For instance, you may want to have a column for "children" and ask why they are involved in what they are involved in; are you trying to not go down in their history as a disinterested parent, a disappointing mom or dad? Are they dressed the way they are to impress other parents? Do you live in guilt for not being what you think your children need, and therefore are you parenting out of guilt and hopes to not further disappoint? Do the work of sorting through some of this in various categories, and write it down. You can then begin asking where the pressures and expectations come from, and then how do you choose more wisely what you say "yes" to. God will help free you from the slavery of living under the perceived expectations (or real unhealthy ones) of others so that you can simply do what's best.
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