Hand Me Downs, Part IIb

Dave and Carrie Franklin lead a life group, and are currently following along with the Sunday morning messages. Below, you will see the discussion guide that they developed, based on listening to the message and thinking through what it would look like to take it further with their specific group. They have made it available for anyone else that wants to use it as well.

What a great example of taking time to lead your group well to ensure that your members have every opportunity to apply messages, take action and let God transform us. Thanks Franklins!

Thaw:

Tell about some of the things you’ve found yourself saying that you learned from your parents.

Tell us about a time when your parent(s) embarrassed you growing up.

 

Read:

• Exodus 20:12
  

"Honor [kabad] your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.

• Ephesians 6:1-4
  

Children, obey [hupakouo] your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor [timao] your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise— "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.  "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Discuss:

What does “honor” mean?

kabad – giving weight to our parents and the instruction, to esteem them highly.

hupakouo = hear, listen, obey

timao = value, honor, see as precious

What are the consequences for honoring our parents?

• Ex. 20:12 says that the Israelites would live long in the Promised land.
  
• Eph. 6:1-3 Paul promises well being and long life.

Does honoring our parents mean unquestioned obedience?

As adults, we no longer have to obey by actions but we must respect and honor them with our attitudes.

Honoring does not mean agreement.  Disagreement does not absolve us from honoring them (listening, valuing, obeying)

Why should we honor our parents?

God placed them in our lives as authority figures.

Their behavior is not the standard by which we respond with honor.  We do so because He commands it of us, and because of the inherent importance of being "co-creators" of a child with God.

Parent-child relationships are examples of our relationship with our Heavenly Father.

What does honor look like when our parents have not lived up to our expectations?

m If they have abandoned me, I will honor them by seeking (not forcing) reconciliation.

m If they abused me, I will honor them by praying for them.  Praying that they will see the error of their ways.  As an adult, I have a choice not to carry this pain forward.  Hurting people hurt people.

m If my parents were unfaithful, I will honor them by calling for righteousness and by being willing to forgive them when they repent.

m If my parents did not live up to my expectations, I will examine my expectations and take responsibility for those that are unhealthy and unreasonable.  I will seek forgiveness from them for judging them unfairly.

m Above all, I will believe that the Holy Spirit is at work through me and how I respond to this message.  Only He can bring peace and compassion in this situation.

 

How can I forgive my parents for failing to parent appropriately?

How can God forgive you when you have failed to live appropriately?

• Romans 3:23
  

"..for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.."

• James 3:2
  

"We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check."

• 1 John 1:9
  

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."

What if my parent(s) have died?  How do I honor them? How do I forgive them?

Romans 12:18  If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

1 Samuel 24:12  David honored his jealous father-in-law, King Saul, by calling him “My father.”  David showed extraordinary tolerance and respect for King Saul in spite of Saul’s desire to kill him.

Actions:

What are some ways you can honor your parents (even if they are no longer alive) this week?  On a regular basis?

How can the group pray for your family relationships this week?

We honor parents by addressing them with respect even if we do not respect them because of some evil they have done.  It is especially important not to talk to them condescendingly or to raise your voice unnecessarily.

We honor our parents when we are appreciative for whatever they give us.  We dishonor them when we expect too much.

We honor parents today by making sure they are taken care of when they can no longer care for themselves.

We honor our parents by not constantly resenting what they are not and what they did not to and throwing it in their faces.  There are times when we simply must accept their quirks, idiosyncrasies, bad habits, unfortunate personalities, and communication styles.

We honor parents by keeping them connected to family.