You know. You want her. Discussion Guide Part V

This week is all about the mouth and the words it produces, so you will probably not find any relevance to your life or to the lives of your group members. In fact, you may want to cancel group this week due to the absence of anything pertinent to discuss. 

Yes, that was sarcasm. 

As a group, see if you can uncover some of what makes us talk so much in our culture, as well as why we see the absence of our own words as a bad thing in any given moment. As you will see below, there is much content to choose from, so evaluate based on your group, rather than simply trying to get through it all. You may want to arrange for more time to be quiet within the meeting, and maybe even make an assignment for the next week to evaluate the quality and quantity of words that fill our moments. You can come back to it next week as a way of challenging yourselves to see more clearly the power of our mouths.  (The irony will be found in how much and what you say about talking!)

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Discussion Guide

• What are some words said to you in your life that really stuck? Positive and/or negative.
  
• Has anything you ever said been, to your surprise, a blessing to someone?
  
• Has anything you said ever been taken out of context, misunderstood or used to harm you in some way?
  
• Have you ever felt as though you really have very little control over your own mouth? Why is this?

Read

• Proverbs 18:2, 18:6, 18:7, 18:8, 18:13, 18:15
  
• First thoughts?
  

Leader note: You may note that verse 8, in discussing gossip, refers to it as "choice morsels" being consumed. There is something about getting the inside scoop on someone else that, even to the ancients, is very much like candy. Isn't it interesting that the gossip magazines, which destroy reputations by the constant invading of lives for our "entertainment", is found in the checkout isle at the grocery store, right next to the candy? (Thanks to Rob Bell at Mars Hill Bible Church in grand Rapids for this insight.)

Discuss

• Who do we think of when we read these texts on the foolishness of talking much?
  
• Did anyone think of themselves first? 
  

Leader note: If your group thought of others mostly when asked about the passages from Prov 18, take some time exploring why it seems this is something "other people" struggle with? Does it have to do with how annoying we find others? Are we that unaware of how we are perceived? Perhaps some in the group have mastered the tongue. Allow them to share what they learned to get them to a place where they are at peace speaking less and listening more. Also explore how much of this is generated by personality, rather than a conscious decision to hold the tongue in a given moment.

Read

• Proverbs 27:2
  

Discuss

• How does our culture opposed to this kind of thinking?
  
• How is advancing in your career opposed to this kind of thinking?
  
• Do you demand in any way for your good deeds to be praised by your spouse? If your spouse doesn't seem to fully appreciate the deed(s), do you feel as though he or she owes you, or that you need to bring recognition yourself, since it seemed to go unappreciated? What does this proverb say to that mentality?  
  
• What does this proverb say about insecurity and how we hope to be seen?

Leader Note: You may want to watch this video together as a great (and hilarious) illustration on how this foolishness plays itself out. We've shown this on Sunday morning at Crosspointe before, but it's one of those you can watch 20 times and still laugh!

Read

• Proverbs 10:19
  
• How have you seen examples of this in your life?
  
• Are there any ways that keeping this in mind keep you from regret this week?
  
• What does this proverb say to our culture's virtue of "just saying what I think"?

Apply

• How can members of the group help each other to grow in wisdom where speaking is concerned?
  
• When we talk about "fasting", we normally default to meaning the reduction or elimination of food for a time. Would fasting from speaking, or certain kinds of speaking (such as sarcasm, immediate responses, references to the self, etc...) be helpful for members of the group? 
  

Leader note: If members respond positively to the last question, you may want to spend some time discussing who this will be for, and for how long, and how the group can both support this "fast" and how it can track what God does in and through it.

• Spend some time in quiet at the end, perhaps reflecting on the above proverbs, or perhaps writing a prayer about the quality and quantity of speech in our lives and what that reflects in our pursuit of wisdom.
  

Scripture for additional reading

• Proverbs 17:27-28
  
• James 3
  
• Ecclesiastes 6:11