This week will feel a bit review-ish for some, but also stands as an "oh yeah...that's why my relationships and acquaintances still don't feel right..." as we dive into the reality that love of self can be hindering our success as truly living others. Encourage your group to think about motivations, quiet manipulative voices that play in the mind as we communicate with others and make decisions with each other. Christ commands that we love as he loves us, which is no small order. It's also not merely conceptual- it's an attitude that accounts for other's shortcomings and trusts God for results. It's the only way to peace.
You may want to work extra hard to not only nudge all to participate, but do what you must to get to the application section to make your discussion as fruitful as possible.
Thaw
- How have you seen your mind and your relationships shift in the last 5 weeks?
- What areas (relationally speaking) have not changed and you find yourself frustrated by that?
- What was most significant to you about the message Sunday?
- What do you sense you are suppose to do with the message in terms of turning information into behavior?
Read
- Matthew 5:43-48
- Thoughts?
Leader note: Some translations read "pagans", which can seem specifically pointed at one group of people. The actual term is "Gentiles" which means non-Jews, or those with no idea who God is, who Christ is, and what the Kingdom life is about.
- How do you see the attitude that Jesus is speaking against play out in your life?
- What are the motivations behind treating others this way?
Read
- Matthew 20:20-28
- Thoughts?
- What are the motivations of this mother and her sons?
- Verse 24 describes something far from a celebration. What's going through their mind?
- What is the relational breakdown about?
Leader note: The key here is that they are each competing with each other for rank. And that competition has suddenly turned this band of friends into hindrances to achievement to each other. Now they are something to outplay and outrank. And Jesus, again, says that this mindset belongs to the non-Jews (and by extension, non-Christians) who don't understand life and love of others, but are instead bent on outshining their competitors. This has a direct application to how we live with friends, family and co-workers. Are they the objects of our love, or are they "taking" something from us every move they make? Can I celebrate them, or is their success a blow to my ascent? This is selfish-love Jesus is exposing. Note that the very next thing Jesus does after this discussion about the two disciples jockeying for position is gives two blind beggars their sight.....ouch.
Read
- John 13:34-35. 15:12
- How would you describe Christ's love (especially in the context of hours-before-the-betrayal-and-crucifixion context that Jesus is speaking) to someone that had never heard of him?
- Why doesn't Jesus associate any promises or benefits to this command to love as he has loved?
Discuss
- Why is conditional love actually self-love?
- Why is unconditional love risky?
- Why do some feel unconditional love is naive and creates personal set-back?
- Who are the hardest people to love this way, consistently?
Apply
- Who are the specific people/persons in your life that you withhold love (the attention, care, time, sympathy, understanding that they need regardless of their ability to reciprocate) from?
- What is the cost of giving yourself to them?
- Who has withheld love from you in your life? How can you love them anyway?
- What does it mean to love others and trust God with the results?
Leader note: As the answers come in for the last question, help the group to understand that this is what Jesus means when he says love as he loves. This is "cross-style" love that makes itself vulnerable, even suffering, for the sake of others out a firm belief that that brand of love brings God's Kingdom. Not easy, but holy and eternal nonetheless. You may wish to pray that God's Spirit would fill our attempts to love like Christ, as this kind of no-strings love doesn't come from will power, but from His.
Prayer
Additional texts for meditation
- 1 Peter 4:8
- Proverbs 10:12
- Luke 7:36-43
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