When your relationships are going well, so is everything else. Even when things take a turn, if you have strong friendships, solid familial bonds, that crises are reduced. We were made to relate to each other and thrive when that relating is going well.
This series will explore the ins and outs of relating to each other, how to align our relating to the way of Jesus, and just what it is we're up against as we try and dance with the other humans on this planet.
This week, before we step into relating with others, we must first dig around in our own minds and figure out if we even know the terms with which we have decide to relate to others. So, before we spend time looking at what's between each other, let's see what's between our ears. As leaders, the more we create space to be real and open, the more we begin to understand just what we're missing out on as individuals, group members, brothers and sisters, etc... in the Kingdom of God. This is your permission to lovingly push.
Thaw
- What does a change in season teach us about what God is like?
- Does anyone feel as though they have come through a valley, into the other side, as the season fully changes? Share. Why is this significant?
- What most impacted you from the message Sunday?
- What are you hung up on?
Read
- Psalm 133
- Thoughts?
Leader note: this song has been sung for millennia during small gatherings, large meeting or even just between a few people in order to set a town of love and peace. Perhaps you can challenge your group to memorize it, printing it on index cards and giving it to each of them. You can up the ante by memorizing the song in Hebrew. Many versions of it, good and terrible, can be found on YouTube. Additionally, in this passage, is the strange allusion to Aaron's beard. Aaron, as the first priest was responsible for offerings and annointings. Here, David says that human unity is like the ultimate holy, sacred acts performed by the high priest. Unity and love trump the sacred acts, like a warm shower trumps ceremonially washing the hands.
Read
- James 3:13-4:3
- Thoughts?
- Assuming that human nature is largely the same now as it was then, what is James speaking about specifically in your life?
- Why is humility key?
- Why does relating to each other require wisdom?
- What are the results of trying to navigate relationships without wisdom and humility?
Discuss
- Starting with the cores "trusts God" & "distrusts God", describe the concentric circles.
Leader note: this is exactly what it feels like....a test. It' meant to help the group work as a team to pull the message back out of their heads. Help them recreate the circles on paper if necessary. Distrusts God, Anxious and Needy, I hate you, I hate me, I will survive. Trusts God, I love you, I understand, I judge me, I will live.
- What names come to mind that you think God might be telling you to apply a different relational approach to? If you are approaching them with a core of distrust in God, describe what it would look like to apply trust in God to this person or persons.
- Can you have deep, meaningful relationships without trust in God way of love? Explain.
- If anyone answered the above yes, why do you agree or disagree?
- How do we begin implementing a reevaluation in our relating to determine whether we are beginning with a trust in God and his way, or not?
- How does a distrust in God affect how we present ourselves, inside and out?
- What are the risks to relating this way with others, even former "enemies"?
- How do you love someone that has been and continues to be legitimately hurtful?
Leader note: some people decide that others are hurtful without true assessment. Because they have gotten used to not liking someone, they have deemed them hurtful and don't even realize anymore that the issue isn't hurt, but more disgust or irritation. Be listening for that distinction, and with a gentle humility, be willing to ask if there might be some room for reevaluation for a group member who doesn't seem to be aware. If a person is being hurt, or has been, discuss as a group how love is unconditional, but proximity is not. Sometimes a loving thing to do is distance self. It's not communicated in the Bible that God is pleased with one person being abused by another. Love of others is unconditional, but marriage, partnership, teaming, rooming, phone calls, emails, visiting, etc...those aren't. Calling the authorities in some cases, to end cycles, can be an act of love, insofar as it's not revenge or equally toxic. All such decisions should be made with the counsel of others who seek to trust God. (Proverbs 15:22, Romans 12:21)
- How do you start again when you have been hurtful?
Read
- Proverbs 3:1-6
- Thoughts?
- Go into the week asking what you lean on at your core, relationally with others. What old habits do you employ, even reflexively, as you interact with friends, acquaintances, family, enemies and strangers. Begin with the mental shift of "acknowledging God" and see if you can retrain the mind to relate to others with a fundamental confidence in the way of Christ.
Prayer
Leader note: Pray over the group and their trust not just in the existence of God, but in his presence in our relationships...even the ones we have given up on!
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