As we enter the third week discussing what comes out of our mouths, as well as the source, groups are bound to have some stories about success and frustration. As members try to apply what they are covering your group, each day will have some wins and losses, and each should get some time in your group discussion to see if steps can be taken in the journey. Don't forget to not only review other discussions, but how it's gone in day-to-day life with regard to actually getting some reigns on the tongue, and better things into the heart.
Thaw
Leader note: You may want to read all these passages to get started, as a refresher on last week and on what we're trying to get in our innermost being, in place of the selfish survivalist views like feeling owed, demanding to win and needing approval.
- Eph 5:21
- Phil 2:3
- Romans 12:18
- Eph 4:25
- What successes and failures have you experienced in the last week in taming your tongue and treasuring better things in your heart?
- What has really stayed with you from the message Sunday?
Read
- Eph 4:29
- Thoughts?
- "Unwholesome" (NIV) sounds a bit weak when you see the actual Greek from which this is translated. The word is "sapros", which comes from "sepo", where we get our word "septic". It means rotten, decayed, putrified. It denotes something that has no value to life, but is what happens when life has left. Knowing this, what are some examples of rotten, lifeless speech that you have been involved in recently?
Leader note: If it's difficult to remember something that carries the weight of this word meaning "rot", invite the group to consider a recent argument, or something they regret saying to a child.
it may be something someone said to them as well, in a fit of rage at the grocery or in traffic. Perhaps it was a parent or sibling. ADDITIONALLY, you may want to point out that Paul is advising on the mouth, rather than the heart first. So destructive are our septic words, that first we have to shut them off, and then work on the heart. Apparently, we're not to wait until our hearts are full of good things before we adjust our speech. This is a great example of rules being good for people, even though they don't change the heart. The heart changing comes later, and is truer to what God ultimately wants.
- Look at the words "for building others up". In Greek, this is "oikodomee", which has the literal meaning of constructing a house. Some English translations even use the word "edifying", bringing to mind an edifice. What's something that has been said to you that built you up?
- What's something that you said to someone that they later told you had the effect of encouragement?
- Why would God want us to humble ourselves, but encourage others?
Read
- Hebrews 3:12
- What would you naturally expect the 1st century writer to command in order that such a horrible picture of falling away from God would never occur?
Leader note: Though the current line of discussion gives away the punch line of the next verse which is coming, see if you can get the members to agree that most of us would guess that the author would have us avoid such a terrible fate with something on par with most study of scripture, some combination of disciplines. The removal of certain habits and sins. Many of us have grown up in forms of Christian faith that employed chanting, prayer recital, etc. as a way of keeping ourselves from falling off the tracks. See if you can get at some of this, which allows verse 13 to carry its full weight.
- Hebrews 3:13
- How could encouraging each other be so powerful as to save us from falling away from God?
- Ephesians 4:29 ends with "...building others up according to their needs that it may benefit those who listen." How is this different than just being nice or flattering?
Leader note: help the group get to the fact that this isn't just about having nice things to say. It's about the strategic building up (who builds with plans?) of other people to help them know the heart of God. This requires honest, loving, mutual encouragement based on people really knowing each other and agreeing that we have to play a role in constructing each other's souls.
- When is encouragement hard?
- What are things in our culture that teach us that negative words, no matter how seemingly benign, are more socially beneficial?
Leader note: Our culture prides itself on sarcasm, for instance. The word sarcasm, means flesh tearing. Everything on television requires of the characters a quit-witted ability to check or crush other characters depending on the circumstances. Christians often attribute certain kinds of news and radio shows to a Christian way of thinking, yet the words and attitudes are volatile and far less than encouraging and edifying.
Apply
- What would change this week if you began to see your words as the means by which some would come to know God's grace?
- What are ways that you can be specifically encouraging to co-workers, spouses, children?
Leader note: "Specific" and "strategic" are words that must be associated with this. Random acts of kind words aren't going to do much. This is about setting out to build!
- Why is it risky to humble yourself (take a low position with respect to others) while building others up?
- What are the temptations you can foresee to withhold encouragement from others at home, school and work?
- Are there any encouraging words to be shared toward someone in this group that haven't been said? If so, go for it.
Additional texts for further study
- Prov 18:21 (the Message)
- I Thes 5:9-11
- Prov 12:18
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