Transportation Need

There is a woman that has expressed an interest in attending our church. She has recently moved to Camden Westwood Apartments off of Weston Pkwy & Chapel Hill Rd. in Morrisville and needs transportation to and from one of our Sunday services. If you or your group members are interested in serving in this way, please email me for her contact information.
Thank you,
Jenny
jrogers@crosspointe.org

The Truth about Transformation

What it really takes to help people change their minds.

by Dan Lentz

Have you ever changed your mind about something? I have changed my mind more about things in the last few years than I would have ever dreamed possible.

More than Knowing

For example, when I started working at an industrial job, I had the idea that a person should not miss work for anything—even when you're sick. So for more than six years straight, I never missed a day of work because of illness. Did I get sick during that time? Yes. But I just strapped on my boots and said, "No matter, I'm going to work."

That line of thinking started to spill over into how I viewed other people. I had friends at the company who, every month or two, got sick and missed a day of work. I became convinced they had poor values, and that they were either uncommitted, lazy, or just wimpy. I knew that everyone has times when they don't feel well, but I truly believed that if a person was committed enough, he or she could still make it to work.

But then I started to change my mind.

Why? Over time, I got some information from my "wimpy" friends that helped me understand why they struggled to make it to work when certain health conditions were a problem. The information helped me to empathize with them. Still, down deep, I was doubtful that they really needed to be off work as much as they were.

But then something really caused me to change my mind: I got a chronic illness. I—the guy who thought anyone who would let illness interrupt everyday life was just wimpy—became chronically sick. And I stayed chronically sick. Low and behold, it did interrupt my everyday life. It did make work and normal activity impossible at times. That's when I got it. I changed my mind.

So, what does it take to change your mind?

Spiritual Transformation

Knowledge about something can change a person's mind, but what really tends to do the trick is knowledge coupled with a related experience. We can have a lot of information that would lead us in a direction to change our minds, but knowledge of the truth doesn't always tip us over the edge until we have a relevant experience.

True mind change, in a spiritual context, is called transformation (Romans 12:2). So when does transformation happen? Does it happen when we receive information regarding biblical truth? Sometimes. My experience has been that biblical truth is very important to the transformation process. Still, we often allow truth to change our beliefs, but our actions don't always flesh that out.

Sometimes we need to both understand and experience the truth in order for genuine transformation to take place. Real application of a truth is where life-change happens—not just talking about application, but living the application. Academic or informational Bible studies can be important within a small group, but if you're not living out or experiencing the truths of those studies together in community, your group members may not be changing their minds as much as you think.

So how can you help the process of genuine transformation? Here are some practical suggestions:

• Always allocate a significant amount of time to focus on the application of any study you are doing. At least half of any "lesson time" should focus specifically on application.
• Don't make application theoretical. In other words, share as many personal and specific examples of application as you can, including past victories and defeats. Encourage and spur one another on through those examples.
• Be intentional about planning experiences into group life—service projects, prayer walks, confession exercises, hospital visits, and so on.
  
• Discern specific areas where transformation is slow for your members, and plan experiences around those areas. For example, if several group members are having trouble loving people of a different ethnicity, plan a time when they can serve others of that different ethnicity.
  
• Draw the connection or ask questions about how God is using specific circumstances to transform your group members. Here's an example question: How is God using your current suffering to change your mind about things?
  
• Recognize and celebrate times when people acknowledge they have changed their mind at a deeper level about deeply held issues.
  
• Pray that the Holy Spirit would be constantly renewing the minds of your small-group members.
  

Remember that changing a mind goes beyond knowledge. It requires knowing the right things and living those things as well. Don't let your small group settle for just the first step in the process of genuine transformation.

Hand Me Down, Part III

This Sunday will mark the 3rd installment to our parenting series. We will interview some couples about their experience over the last couple of decades with parenting, and what God has taught and done in them in the process.

As a group, you may discuss the content of the interview, as well as take time as a group to discuss some of the questions posed this Sunday. Please note that this study is tailored for groups comprised primarily of parents. You may also want to have some fun with this.

Thaw

• As a group, name as many movies as you can in a few minutes that had parenting at the heart of it's story line.
  
• What's an embarrassing parenting moment you can share?
  

Discuss

• How did/does God use your kids to shape your soul? What did God teach you about yourself that you might have learned without children?
  
• Parenting young children is easily the hardest season of life…what expectations should we have for the first several years of our children's life in terms of things "going smoothly"? Free time? Personal goals?
  
• How parents stay on the same page? How about divorced parents? (refer back to last week regarding "honor"... divorced parents must still help children honor the other parent no longer in the same home!)
  
• Intentionally shaping the heart
  
• What does rhythm look like in a home with young children? Older children? How does this affect the types and quantities of activities our children get involved in? 
  
• What are unhealthy ways we make comparisons with other parents? Are there healthy comparisons? What are they?
  
• What are helpful ways to handle sibling conflict? Defiance? Disrespect in older kids?
  
• What's the best advice you’ve ever gotten as a parent?

Texts for further study.

• Ephesians 6:1-4
  
• Colossians 3:18-21
  
• Hebrews 12:1-12
  

ReGroup, this Sunday Rescheduled

As you may know by now, yesterday we received some very sad news from Danny & Leann Pye, our missionary friends at the Haitian Children's Home. Their 3 year old boy, Jabez, passed away very suddenly yesterday morning. Jonathan and Adrianne left today to be with the family and children. Please keep the Pye’s in your prayers for God’s enormous comfort and peace to flood their hearts, minds and souls as well as the entire HCH family. Also pray for Jonathan and Adrianne as well as Nick and Gwenn Mangine as they travel and care for them during this difficult time.

These events have caused a change to occur for Sunday’s ReGroup. Steve will now be teaching and dedicating babies during the three worship services. Our desire is to kick off ReGroup with Steve leading it so we have decided to postpone ReGroup for one week.

ReGroup will now occur on Sunday, June 29th during all three services just as previously planned.

Since this is a new date, please RSVP asap to let me know which hour you’ll be attending. We know this change may affect some of you as your serving schedule may already be set for the 29th.
I look forward to hearing from you right away.

Jenny Rogers
Director of Group Administration
Crosspointe Church
www.crosspointe.org
919-469-9111 x 235

Hand Me Downs, Part IIb

Dave and Carrie Franklin lead a life group, and are currently following along with the Sunday morning messages. Below, you will see the discussion guide that they developed, based on listening to the message and thinking through what it would look like to take it further with their specific group. They have made it available for anyone else that wants to use it as well.

What a great example of taking time to lead your group well to ensure that your members have every opportunity to apply messages, take action and let God transform us. Thanks Franklins!

Thaw:

Tell about some of the things you’ve found yourself saying that you learned from your parents.

Tell us about a time when your parent(s) embarrassed you growing up.

 

Read:

• Exodus 20:12
  

"Honor [kabad] your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.

• Ephesians 6:1-4
  

Children, obey [hupakouo] your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor [timao] your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise— "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.  "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Discuss:

What does “honor” mean?

kabad – giving weight to our parents and the instruction, to esteem them highly.

hupakouo = hear, listen, obey

timao = value, honor, see as precious

What are the consequences for honoring our parents?

• Ex. 20:12 says that the Israelites would live long in the Promised land.
  
• Eph. 6:1-3 Paul promises well being and long life.

Does honoring our parents mean unquestioned obedience?

As adults, we no longer have to obey by actions but we must respect and honor them with our attitudes.

Honoring does not mean agreement.  Disagreement does not absolve us from honoring them (listening, valuing, obeying)

Why should we honor our parents?

God placed them in our lives as authority figures.

Their behavior is not the standard by which we respond with honor.  We do so because He commands it of us, and because of the inherent importance of being "co-creators" of a child with God.

Parent-child relationships are examples of our relationship with our Heavenly Father.

What does honor look like when our parents have not lived up to our expectations?

m If they have abandoned me, I will honor them by seeking (not forcing) reconciliation.

m If they abused me, I will honor them by praying for them.  Praying that they will see the error of their ways.  As an adult, I have a choice not to carry this pain forward.  Hurting people hurt people.

m If my parents were unfaithful, I will honor them by calling for righteousness and by being willing to forgive them when they repent.

m If my parents did not live up to my expectations, I will examine my expectations and take responsibility for those that are unhealthy and unreasonable.  I will seek forgiveness from them for judging them unfairly.

m Above all, I will believe that the Holy Spirit is at work through me and how I respond to this message.  Only He can bring peace and compassion in this situation.

 

How can I forgive my parents for failing to parent appropriately?

How can God forgive you when you have failed to live appropriately?

• Romans 3:23
  

"..for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.."

• James 3:2
  

"We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check."

• 1 John 1:9
  

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."

What if my parent(s) have died?  How do I honor them? How do I forgive them?

Romans 12:18  If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

1 Samuel 24:12  David honored his jealous father-in-law, King Saul, by calling him “My father.”  David showed extraordinary tolerance and respect for King Saul in spite of Saul’s desire to kill him.

Actions:

What are some ways you can honor your parents (even if they are no longer alive) this week?  On a regular basis?

How can the group pray for your family relationships this week?

We honor parents by addressing them with respect even if we do not respect them because of some evil they have done.  It is especially important not to talk to them condescendingly or to raise your voice unnecessarily.

We honor our parents when we are appreciative for whatever they give us.  We dishonor them when we expect too much.

We honor parents today by making sure they are taken care of when they can no longer care for themselves.

We honor our parents by not constantly resenting what they are not and what they did not to and throwing it in their faces.  There are times when we simply must accept their quirks, idiosyncrasies, bad habits, unfortunate personalities, and communication styles.

We honor parents by keeping them connected to family.

Hand Me Downs, Part II

Hello Leaders

In week two of this series, we will deal with our own parents. The simple message of the 5th commandment can seem complicated by our unique experiences, but sometimes we just need to come back to it's simplicity. Especially if we are living in such a way as to grow in faith and trust in the ways of God.

Below find some general questions about the message and people's take-away, as well as some key texts to read and discuss. As a leader, bear in mind that this may be a very confronting issue; some of your members may have many layers to their relationship ( or lack thereof) to their parents, and it may be the environment you create that puts them on a more God-honoring, more healthy path. You should prayerfully enter your group time prepared to ask your group if they have (wrongly) put their parents in God's place, and therefore set them up for failure; if they have considered what fallen people would like if suddenly given the role of parent- and if they have had fair expectations on their human moms and dads; if they are demanding an apology before they will forgive, etc...You may also find some deep wounds received from parents- wounds that can't be healed by group discussion but can begin to heal when someone feels safe telling their real story.

Remember that the Spirit of Christ is redemptive, gracious, challenging and real. Nothing gets at the need for such things as our relationship to our folks does. No wonder honoring them made such a short list of commands.

___________________________________

General Discussion Makers

• What were the key points of Sunday's message? 
  
• Did God cause any lights to go on during the music, prayer or the message?
  
• What surprised you in regard to the message?
  
• What is/was already part of my thinking on this subject?
  
• What did I learn that was new to me about God?
  
• What did I learn/realize about myself that I didn't know?
  
• What did I learn about people ( or my parents) that I didn't realize?
  
• What changes of thought are necessary?
  
• What changes of action are needed?

Further reading

• Romans 3:23
  
• James 3:2
  
• Exodus 20:1-17
• Ephesians 6:1-4

Actions

• As a group, discuss ways that you could honor your parents (even if they are no longer alive) this week. 
  
• How can you love them, make them feel loved? How can you work out an issue "as far as it is possible..."?
  

13 Days and Counting

ReGroup is just two weeks away! If you have not already RSVP’d and sent us your two most pressing issues as a group leader, then please do so asap. Looking forward to seeing you on June 22nd!

Jenny
jrogers@crosspointe.org

Hand Me Downs, Part I and 17 acres in Haiti

Hi Leaders

Over the next few weeks, we are going to be talking about parenting, and parents. We all have one or both!

Each week may or may not be appropriate for your group to tackle in terms of further study on the messages themselves. Use discernment and decide based on where and who your group is, collectively.

You may use the generic discussion guide this Sunday as we launch into the series. Jonathan will be helping us in regard to parenting with the simple concept of beginning with the end in mind. Simple, yet so often overlooked. We work this way very well in other areas, but when it comes to parenting- we can many times find ourselves at a loss as to how that would play itself out. You may or may not find your group set to discuss and wrestle with those ideas in your group next week.

You may also find that that your people want to talk about Haiti and the land we're going after.

Don't forget, this Sunday we will be taking part in a pretty significant moment in history. Our offering is always significant- what we do week to week, and what we give each Sunday, does great Kingdom things. But this week, as we come together to raise the $385,000, it's clear that the bag being passed will carry a little extra weight than normal (literally, and figuratively!) Please, please, please- for our community and for souls in Haiti we have yet to even meet- be especially prayerful that we make way for God to do what He does in and through His church. 

We know that Crosspointe is marked by the transformation Christ brings- and so this is exactly the kind of opportunity we should expect to be invited into as the reverberations of our faith stretch outward.

So- plenty to discuss, no matter what angle you take. Thanks for all you do.

Steve

___________________________________

General Discussion Makers

What were the key points of Sunday's message? 

Did God cause any lights to go on during the music, prayer or the message?

What surprised you in regard to the message?

What is/was already part of my thinking on this subject?

What did I learn that was new to me about God?

What did I learn/realize about myself that I didn't know?

What did I learn about people ( or my parents) that I didn't realize?

What changes of thought are necessary?

What changes of action are needed?

 

Back to School at the DRM

Durham Rescue Mission is gearing up for their Back to School Event. This is an excellent opportunity to assist a partner ministry in meeting the practical needs of our neighbors while celebrating their pursuit of education. During this event, the Durham Rescue mission serves free food, gives away free clothing, groceries, back backs and school supplies for kids in the neighborhood. DRM needs about 400+ volunteers to make this a success.

What a great opportunity to grab your life group members and serve together!

Here are the details:
Who can help: ANYONE! Bring your kids along too!
When: Tuesday, August 19th
Where: 1201 East Main Street, Durham

To sign up to volunteer, go to the Durham Rescue mission Website. Go to the following event page and follow the link to register:
http://www.durhamrescuemission.org/events/school.html

If you want to serve as a family or life group, I recommend signing everyone up at the same time so you can get on the same project. They need help serving, sorting, setting up, and tearing down.

Also know that you or group do not have to volunteer for the entire day...but you can if you want. It is a work day for many, so if you want to take an extended lunch and serve or take the morning or afternoon off to serve, you can do that as well. Consider serving together as a group and then going to lunch together.

Thanks so much,
Pam McKerring
Pastor of Mobilization
Crosspointe Church
pmckerring@crosspointe.org
919-469-9111 x 245